Stop Using Me {suna x uke male}

book 2 chp: 53

(M/N) closed his bedroom door and practically slumped against the wood of it. Hands at his sides and fingers flexing on the door. His eyes shut as he took a few deep breaths, he was exhausted in more ways than one.

Suna's fingers gently touched the side of (M/N)'s head, lightly massaging it. He didn't have a headache, but that somehow still helped. His tense shoulders slowly relaxed and he dipped his head closer to Suna.

God, he loved him, so much. That feeling overtook (M/N) like nothing else has ever taken before. Something he couldn't control, he should be worried and scared because of how he grew up, but this was beautiful.

He didn't mind relenting control if it meant Suna was as the one to take it. He'd trusted Suna with his life, with his future, with everything.

(M/N)'s hands slowly lifted up and gently grabbed onto Suna's wrist. He didn't push them down or try and get Suna to stop, he just wanted to feel grounded. And he did. It was always this feeling with Suna and it took getting used to, but now he adores it.

"Want to talk about it?" Suna asked.

Times like this he wasn't sure what (M/N) was feeling or thinking. Most times he thinks he's wrong, but he knows (M/N). Inside and out. He always did. It had just been difficult for awhile, but this was different.

Alizer was there for (M/N)'s entire life, may have been grooming him into the perfect weapon, but there was still a time (M/N) thought he was his father. He may have been a terrible human being and a sorry excuse of a man, but he was all (M/N) knew. He had to have felt something other than joy and relief.

(M/N) slowly opened his eyes, that pretty (E/C) looked almost dull and a shade lighter. Not his usual color, but it wasn't bad either. He just had to wrap his head around things and sort out his feelings and thoughts. It was complicated, Suna knew, but it had always been complicated.

(M/N)'s lips pressed in a thin line as he thought about it. He didn't really want to talk about it in this moment, it was a lot to think about. He slowly let Suna's wrists go.

"I want to shower, alone." (M/N) finally said, looking from Suna's eyes to their bathroom door.

Suna nodded, pressing a soft kiss to (M/N)'s forehead and stepping back. Giving the man his space and time to process things. (M/N) smiled at that, he was grateful to have found Suna and more grateful Suna loved him just as much as (M/N) loved him, and so grateful Suna allowed him so close. After everything.

"I love you." (M/N) said, bumping his forehead to Suna's chest.

Suna's heart skipped a beat and a warm smile took over his face, "I love you." He responded, "Now go shower." He lightly pushed (M/N)'s head.

(M/N) chuckled and left, grabbing some clothes to change into. When the door shut, Suna's smile faltered, he was worried and nervous for him. But he'll wait as long as he needs to.

(M/N) started the shower first before getting in, he usually got in before turning the water on. But this was different, somehow. He undressed in front of the mirror, staring at his own reflection, and even then, he hates to see himself so he avoids mirrors most times. It's always that inkling thought of how pathetic he was when seeing himself, but the voice was quiet.

He turned to have his back facing the mirror and then he tilted his head, staring at the dragon that took over his back. The tattoo suffocated him most days, he didn't like being apart or associated with Deadly Dragons, but that was where Hidden Demon was made, so this tattoo was his entire personality.

"Not anymore." (M/N) murmured, a weight lifted off his shoulders.

His bare fingers skimmed over the outline and then each inch. His shoulder popping in weird places just so he could reach. His eyes traced his actions, nails wanting to claw at the tattoo just as he did when Alizer branded him when he was kid, but he didn't. This was a reminder of who he is, even if someday he's killed.