Stop Using Me {suna x uke male}

book 2 chp: 31

"Where am I?" (M/N) muttered, looking around.

It was such a dark and dingy place. Everywhere he turned something new popped up, like a fiery volcano just to light his path.

Each step he took, (M/N) felt like his feet were on fire. His nose scrunched, but other than that his face stayed neutral. He looked to see that it was still practically dark.

If he were a weakling and a wussy, he'd be scared to death. Yet, he felt like he's been here before, that it was natural for him to be here. What could he possibly know from this place.

He kept his back straight, hands behind his back as he looked around. He was trying to look for something, he didn't know what he was looking for, but it was something he thought he knew.

Maybe he'd get answers the more he walked.

'It should've been you.'

A child's voice said from behind. (M/N) shivered, turning and looking around. He sensed no one behind him, how could someone sneak up on him? He shivered again when there was no one.

He took a deep breath and continued on his way. The voice was just in his head like always, his survivors guilt and self hatred always put him down.

Each step he took, he would continue to hear voices. Both from male and female of a young age, sounding the age of the people he's lost. The ones he couldn't save and watched die because he was too weak, he still is.

He will always be weak.

'You don't belong here. You never did.'
'No one will ever forgive you.'
'How could you just let us die?'
'You're horrible.'
'You're a monster.'
'We hate you!'

"SHUT UP!" (M/N) snapped, frantically looking around, sweat trailing down him from the heat and his own beating heart. "It's not real... it's not real... it's not real..." He kept telling himself, trying to get himself to wake up.

There was still no one there, it was only (M/N) in his pool of thoughts. His heart began to beat rapidly out of fear, he doesn't get fear, he doesn't feel fear. He hated this feeling, he wanted this feeling gone. Now.

"It is real." A dead like young female's voice said.

When (M/N) spun to face it, knowing he wouldn't be able to see anything. He flinched back, seeing someone now. But not just anyone.

It was Jinx.

But not the little sister he knows. Not the innocent and smiling one with bright fiery orange hair. Her hair was matted, her blue eyes dull and almost gray. She looked like his last memory of her. Her body bloodied, battered bruise and pale. Her legs slightly caved in as if she'd been crushed once more.

"This is very real." Jinx grinned, but it wasn't her usual warm grin.

It was the one (M/N) would use when he's toying with someone. Getting ready to kill someone and let them think they'd live only to see darkness.

(M/N) couldn't form any words. They died in his throat when seeing Jinx.

"We've lost everything because of you." Jinx continued. "You're weak, you're a monster. You can't save anyone, you just let us die. Why don't you join us? You were meant to die when you were four, why is that you get to survive and we don't? What's so special about you?" She laughed.

(M/N) shivered again, he felt frozen in his spot. Even if he tried to move, he couldn't. He felt something grab his ankles.

He looked down, there was a giant hole that appeared up. Pale and gray fingers grabbed him. It was the one's he couldn't save, because they were right, he was weak.

But (M/N) didn't want to die.

They began to pull him down, laughing as (M/N) struggled. His hands grabbing onto the ground as his body was still being pulled. His fingers curling in the broken ground as he contained to struggle. He lost his grasp and fell in with them.

(M/N) snapped up panting, his chest heaving up and down. Sweat trailing down his face and brow, he rubbed his hand over his face. He slowed his breathing.

He jumped when he felt arms wrap around his waist, sighing out when he realized it was just Suna. Suna kissed the side of his head, pulling him to his chest.

"Another nightmare, Angel?" He murmured softly in the night.

(M/N) sighed out, relaxing into Suna's hold. They were staying in Deadly Dragon's headquarters, sleeping in (M/N)'s room.

It's been a month since Suna's known about everything. He spends most nights with (M/N) and some days, only Kita knows where he goes. (M/N) had gotten back into contact with Kita, but no one knows that just yet. Except Suna and Jay.

The second to last part of his plan was almost complete, he just needed a few more days.

"Ever since I've gotten my memories." (M/N) closed his tired eyes, dark circles beneath his puffy eyes from lack of sleep. "It's the same one over and over."

"It's not your fault." Suna said, "You have to understand-"

"I do." (M/N) cut him off, "And I know. It's just... I can't help it. It's all I can think about. They would've loved you, Jinx especially." He hummed.

Suna looked down at him. A frown creasing his lips, he couldn't really do anything to stop his nightmares. His thumbs massaged into his stomach, comforting him.

(M/N) relaxed more into that. He was thankful Suna was here with him now. Thankful everything that's hurt them was in the past and they could move on. Thankful that he can now say he loves Suna without either of them getting hurt or leaving for god knows how long.

"Come on," Suna murmured, "Let's get you back to bed."

(M/N) shook his head no, getting out of bed. He was shirtless so Suna saw his tattoo, seeing scaring outline of the dragon from all those years ago.

He remembered Ash had the cream and experiments to heal them, but he's kept them. He needed the reminder he was weak and not invincible like he thought he was.

"(M/N)-"

"Not now Rin." (M/N) said. "I'm going to shower and start my day, you go back to sleep."

He turned and kissed Suna's lips. Yet, Suna chased his lips, frowning when he went to shower. He knew (M/N) was serious, if Suna got out of bed to join him in the shower or whatever he usually does, (M/N) would snap.

That's happened once and Suna didn't like arguing with (M/N). They had argued for a very long time, Jay had to intervene and they had to separate. But (M/N) returned when he cooled down, handing Suna a basket and bouquet of jelly sticks and his favorite soda. Apologizing over and over and explaining it was because he was on edge from his nightmare, but that didn't excuse his actions, and that he'd make it up.

So, Suna laid back down, turning on his side. When (M/N) emerged from the shower, Suna was half asleep. (M/N) looked at him, covering his face and groaning a bit. He needed to get his anger and nightmares under control, he'd mess it up with Suna once more.

He smoothed out his slicked back hair, walking back to Suna and kissing his head. "I'm sorry, I'll make it up. Just give me time."

(M/N) had also been going to therapy since his memories returned, they had hit him like a truck and he felt sick constantly. Now, with Suna back in his life he's been going more for him. But he hasn't said a thing just yet.

Suna opened his eyes groggily, watching him leave and he half fell asleep again. Everything was going to be okay, he knew (M/N) was trying.

He knew it was difficult for (M/N), he just had to be patient. He shifted back and forth in his sleep, he also found it very hard to sleep without (M/N) in his arms.

He was worried for his boyfriend.