How deep is your love?

CHAPTER 23 (Beautiful letdown)

"Just don't mind her, please. She's just being playful. Her flirtatious behavior is actually normal. Lahat naman kami, ganun niya itrato eh. Even Alex gets treated that way. Please, talk to me. I don't want us fighting. I just want you to know that what she said never mattered to me. I am devoted to you, Alex. I would've never asked you to marry me if I don't. She's just a friend, please babe." He's just embracing me from the back while I remain seated in the couch inside Ethan's room. Buti na lang tulog si Ethan.

Hindi naman ako galit, ayoko lang umabot sa punto na ilalabas ko sa kanya ang talagang dahilan ng 'di ko pagsasalita. I can't just tell him how jealous I was. Magmumukhang wala akong substance and I will look like a fool. I was never a fool. Sa mata nilang lahat matalino ako at hindi pwedeng nagpapakaganito ako. Maybe, in this area I was born stupid.

"Playful?! You call that frigging playful?! Hindi ako pinanganak kahapon Xavier. Hindi ako tanga! That woman there obviously wants to offer her soul to you! She's desperate! Hindi ko nga sigurado kung talagang wala kang nararamdaman para sa kanya. You obviously have feelings for her. Matagal na kayong magkakilala. You both speak alien language at pakiramdam ko ang tanga-tanga ko sa harap ng bata. I never felt that easy before. I never felt stupid." Galit na galit akong nakatingin kay Xavier habang mahigpit na nakahawak sa bulsa ng white coat ko. Nakita ko rin na nakatingin sa amin ang ibang nurses at staff.

I saw him clench his jaw. Alam kong naiinis na siya sa mga ginagawa ko pero hindi naman niya ako masisisi.

"Yes, I admit. She likes me very much pero hanggang doon na lang 'yon, Alex. Am I not enough for you? Kulang pa ba? Ano pa bang gagawin ko para maniwala kang wala akong gusto kay Amanda? She's always been this way at hindi ko naman pwedeng sabihin sa kanya na itigil niya. She's just desperately looking for attention. Malungkot ang buhay niya, that's why I still try to understand her." He pulled me to him and kissed me on the forehead.

He rested his chin on my shoulder. I felt his hot breath against my neck. Ayoko mang ganito dinadaan niya ako sa matinding lambing. I'm not cheap. Hindi. Mali.

"Please, don't leave me Alex. I love you very much at walang Amanda o stalker ang makakapaghiwalay sa ating dalawa. I want you to be my wife and my everything. Sa tingin mo ba pakakawalan pa kita? Hindi ko kaya." I can't believe that this handsome man is professing his love for me in the middle of pediatric ward. Nakakatawa man ang eksena naming dalawa, kinikilig pa rin ako. Feeling ko sobrang ganda ko at pinagpala.

"Talaga? Kahit 'di ako magaling sa music? Okay lang? Hindi kita makakausap ng alien language at hindi ko alam ang pinagkaiba ni Sergei Rachmaninoff kay Tchaikovsky o kaya kay Beethoven, okay pa rin sa 'yo? Bulag ka ba? Ano ba kasing nagustuhan mo sa akin? Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko talaga makita kung ano ba 'yong sinasabi mong nagustuhan mo sa akin. Hindi ko makita, Xavier. Hirap akong makita." He kissed me again, and this time on the lips.

"You are the best for someone like me. You are a woman of all things. You have the things I can't quickly find. Anong pakialam ko sa mga composers na 'yon kung hindi naman kita kasama? You and Ethan are my life. Hindi magbabago ang nararamdaman ko." I hugged him back and I am not tearing up. Kasi naman bakit sobrang swerte ko yata sa kanya? Is he the one that I've been looking for my whole life?
Hindi ako makapaniwalang nandito na talaga siya sa harapan ko. I've been wanting this kind of love and he's here to give it all to me. I am such a lucky woman.

"I'm sorry kung napaka... selosa ko. I've never been this way and the feeling is foreign. You do love me and I can see it very well and very much, Xavier. Nakakainis lang kasi. Bakit ba gusto mo ako?" Tanong ko habang nagpupunas ng luha gamit ang kwelyo ng damit ko. 

"Tama na nga sa pa-iyak." He wiped my tears with the sleeves of his navy blue coat. 

"Tama na nga, nadudumihan ka eh. May gagawin ka pa yata sa opisina eh. Sige na, baka naiistorbo pa kita. Mauna na akong uuwi sa inyo ha. Maaga ang shift ko tapos aasikasuhin ko na rin yung release papers ni Ethan para sa bahay na lang itutuloy ang medication niya.