How deep is your love?

CHAPTER 7 (The Reason)

"Nilalandi niya ako." Iyon ang pambungad ko kay Cassie habang umiinom siya ng coke. Nandito kami sa cafeteria ng ospital at binisita ko lang naman siya. Of all the people, siya ang nakakaintindihan ko. She's like a sister I never had. She treats me like a baby kasi mas bata ako ng one year sa kanya. She had this 'secret sickness' kaya daw di siya nalate ng isang taon along with his loyal twin brother.

"Magpalandi ka na. Aba grasya na 'yan tatanggi ka pa." I snorted. Eeeww. Hindi ako magpapalandi at di siya lalagpas ng kiss. Wala akong pakialam kung maghabulan kaming dalawa pero basta hindi ako magpapalandi. I just can't. Mahirap ipaintindi pero hindi ko agad masabi.

Naiinggit ako kay Cassie na nakasuot ng scrub suit. Miss ko na suotin ang akin.

"I miss my scrub suit. Ayoko na magdress at white coat and I hate make up. Ang hirap-hirap ilagay. Sanay ako sa Johnson's powder in green." Tumawa si Cassie habang inuubos niya ang dinner niyang caldereta. She eats a lot pero napakasexy. That feels unfair and that's on the back of my mind.

"I gave you innisfree compact powder and laneige bb cream! Ginagamit mo ba? Inabutan din kita ng mascara from rimmel london and lipstick from max factor! " Natawa ako kasi pati brand name naalala niya pa.

"At talagang memorized mo lahat? Ginagamit ko lahat, I swear! Pero that's not my problem, Cass. Nilalandi ako ni Xavier Tan and you knkw the reason why I hate his type. I've always hated men with too handsome features, incredible wealth and strong alpha male personality. I hate... Alpha men." She wiped her mouth and checked her reflection on her smartphone kung may dumi ba siya ngipin.

"You have no control kung sino ang para sayo. Whether he's alpha male or just a commoner, wala kang magagawa. If that geart of yours pumps like it's gonna die, then you have to let it go like what Elsa said."

"Gaga... Pati ba naman seryosong usapan eh hahaluan mo pa ng joke?" She giggled while flipping her long and curly auburn hair. She smiled and tapped her fingers with her nails coated in gel red. She got this striking look na maaamaze ka. She's an alpha woman kaya malakas ang dating niya. She got this perfect white skin and she has a nice body. Malaas kumain pero ang sexy.

"I'm trying to break the ice, Lexie. Alam komg stressed ka kasi kahit matanda ka na eh wala kang idea kung totoo ba siya. He's a known womanizer so I can't blame you. The past doesn't define the future, live today and bury yesterday." What she said hit a nerve. Hindi ko alam bakit ako natatakot. Is that reasonable?

"I just can't forget the past, Cass. You have no idea how much I tried. Maling-mali ang pamamaraan ko but this is what I feel. I need to live with the past to preveng myself from a past mistake. Segurista lang ako siguro. You know how he is, at mahirap paniwalaan na interesado siya sa akin. Hindi naman ako kagandahan at probinsyana pa. I don't seem to fit into his world." She gave me grumpy look at pinitik ako sa noo.

"Aww!"

"Iisa lang ang issue mo, Lexie. Pinapatungan mo ng iba to suppport your stupid assumptions. Nakakatakot magkamali but don't you think life is spicier with it? May thrill at hindk nakakabagot? 'I am up for the challenge' Yun dapat ang sinasabi mo but you keep on denying things."

"Wala ka din namang bf ha."

"I have lovers, Lexie. I have lots of them pero I am not happy. Kaya nga I'm telling you to gamble and live like we're dying. You have to feel the thrill of life." I felt sudden loneliness for her. Parang nakaramdam na siya ng sakit.

"I can't. I witnessed how messed up love can be. I am guiltily attracted to him kahit noong music festival sa US. There is this unusual electric tension kapag nandyan siya. He's making me nervous and weak. I hate myself when I lose focus. I hate this feeling."