Mr. Lee

46.

When Jejae had made the spontaneous decision to fly back home to escape what could possibly be her only and best shot at a love life, she had momentarily hoped it would be a chance to see her life from a different point-of-view. Having had a life filled with self-loathing, she wasn't beyond admitting she had always latched onto people at the first sign of affection due to her need to be pleasing and wanted.

And like hell, he had made her feel like the only thing he wanted.

And she missed him, fuck. 

But as she sat in the cafe sipping at her coffee cup, she realized, that was why she left. 

Being so dependent on someone like that had been nothing short of terrifying, putting your emotions in someone else's hands so willingly was something she had promised herself never to do for as long as she could remember.

Because she knew, she knew. 

Having someone who held her like that, looked at her like that, had made her desperate. 

Despite the air of indifference she wore around the clock, she had wanted to hold onto him so badly it felt like her chest constricted at the thought of losing what they had, if they had ever even had something. 

She never wanted to give anyone that power over her, and to do that, she concluded, was a solution only she could find on her own.

Stepping out the cafe with tired sigh, she threw away her cup into a nearby bin and hailed a taxi. Giving the driver her next location she closed her eyes for a bit and let her mind zone out, finding the feel of moving soothing as usual. 

She hadn't planned on going on a minor shopping spree, but she had made a generous amount of money during her time working over there which let her open the wallet a bit. 

Sweeping over the racks of clothes trying to select a few items, she accidently bumped into someone coming from the opposite direction and was quick to apologize when she finally caught the persons eye. 

"Oh Dean?" she exclaimed in shock at her high school classmate. 

"Oh?!" said guy exclaimed as recognition filled his eyes.

"How've you been?" he asked with a huge grin as they shared a side hug, Dean being a whole head taller. 

"I'm........living well" she hesitated, thinking back to the past few months. 

"That's great, it's actually amazing to see you, do you want to go sit and talk?" he questioned, motioning to the small food court outside the shop.

"Sure, I'll just go pay" she agreed quickly and headed to the cashier to pay for the clothes already in her basket. 

Thanking the staff, they crossed the street to the cozy court that only had a few people, the light chatter in the air. 

"How's it been? I haven't seen you since college?" Dean asked as they sat down, thanking the waiter for the menu's handed to them. 

"I've been good, I'm back in the country for a little while to clear my head" she shrugged, passively looking at options, they had. 

"Oh yeah, heard you moved to SK, right? How's that working out for you?" He questioned. 

"It's been an experience, Hyejin quickly hooked me up with an amazing job, but I recently quit so......." Jejae trailed off, giving him a sheepish smile.

"If it was so amazing, why'd you leave? don't tell me they treated you like ass over there?" Dean frowned at her, wondering if that was also a reason she came back home. 

"No everyone was great really, I just, well, let's just say I had a little something happening with my boss and that did not end well" she admitted, rambling on about the events of the recent months, finding it just a bit easier to spill her thoughts to someone who wasn't there to experience it. 

Dean's eyes widened as the realization dawned on him, giving her a slightly sympathetic look once his mind had processed her statement. 

"Damn, that must have been shit" 

"It was, first guy that showed a fraction of attraction to me and it sort of kind of, most definitely crashed and burned" she rambled on. 

"First guy? I can swear that's a lie" he raised his brow at her words, looking at her in disbelief. 

"Please don't make me laugh, you've known me for years. If I had come to you and said, 'Oh Dean, I actually find you attractive and wouldn't have minded going out with you', what would have been your honest reaction?" she asked him with suspicious eyes.

"I would have gone 'Oh sure, let's give it a try'" he shrugged, not finding her question off-putting. 

Jejae physically reeled back at his answer, she had known Dean long enough to know that he never sugarcoated his words and had no shame or embarrassment in voicing his thoughts and opinions, so the confession had sent her head spiraling. 

"You spent so long thinking every single guy on earth would be repulsed by the mere thought of dating you that you never actually bothered to find out if that was true or not. You complained about how you had no love life and yet you were always the first one to set boundaries with every single guy you ever met. 

You're pretty, smart, funny, unafraid to show people your real personality, mature enough to not get pushed around by some idiot thinking with what's between his legs and a great person in general. Hell, I always thought you just weren't interested in things like romance back then, but if you've been thinking all this while that the problem was that guys weren't interested in you, as a guy myself, that is farthest from true" Dean laid down the truth for her, raw and bare. 

It's not that Jejae had never entertained the thoughts that there were guys that actually liked her, it's just that she had been very quick to assume that it was all in her head and that she was overestimating herself, but hearing a guy who she had believed wouldn't ever fathom the thought of being with her say all this, she couldn't help but re-evaluate her view on how she had preserved herself this whole time.  

"Maybe the problem with your guy isn't that you had let him view you as something easy and quick. Maybe you just thought that's how he viewed you because you've never had anything to compare your relationship to. 

For what it's worth, I think taking this time for yourself was the best decision for you. You're never going to believe anyone will view you as what you don't even view yourself."

As he let her digest his words, their food finally arrived, and they ate in silence.

A/N: Guess who finally uploaded :))))), writing is so difficult after taking a long break, it's like I've forgotten how to put my thoughts down, but here's the promised chapter, hopefully followed by another soon. And to keep myself motivated I'll be setting the next upload dates. 

Next Update:  13th october.