Please no, please just leave me alone. I ran down the dark corridor. I don't know where I am or where I am going. I just needed to get the fuck out of there. I tried opening the door, but it was locked. I cried out in desperation and hid in a dark corner. I curled into a ball and cried. The thing came up to me and started whispering terrible things at me. I covered my ears and rocked back and forth. Please stop, please just leave me alone. I just want to be happy.
I opened my eyes and ended the terrible nightmare. It's always the same thing every night. I was panting like crazy as if I was actually running and I had a layer of cold sweat over my body. I sat up on my elbows and tried to catch my breath. Mikey stirred in his sleep. He looked adorable asleep. "You're too good for me. I'm such a terrible person; you deserve someone better than me," I whispered to his sleeping body. I slowly got off the bed, careful enough to not wake him up, and went to the window. I opened it and looked out the New York City sky. I sat on the windowsill and let the cool breeze flow through my body.
I thought about jumping. I know I would never do it, but I couldn't help but think of it. I sighed and pulled my knees against my chest. I rested my chin on the top of my knees and sighed again. I looked over at Mikey's sleeping body. He looked so peaceful. I wonder if I look like that. Or is there always a frown on my face, no matter my state of consciousness? I tear slipped out of my eye. I just want to be happy. Why can't I be happy?
"Iris?" Mikey sleepily called out. He sat up on the bed and scanned the room. He locked eyes with me. "Is everything alright?" I nodded. I shut the window and went back to bed. He lifted my chin up and frowned. "What's wrong? Why did you get out of bed?"
"I just had a nightmare," I mumbled. He wrapped and arm around me and kissed the top of my head.
"You should have woken me up. I would have gladly comforted you." I shook my head.
"You look so peaceful sleeping; I didn't want to wake you." He kissed me softly.
"I wouldn't have cared. Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head. We both laid back and cuddled. I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat. He ran his hand through my hair, which made me feel better. "Goodnight, beautiful." He kissed the top of my head and closed his eyes. I laced my fingers with his free hand and sighed. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I had the same nightmare again, but this time I couldn't force myself to wake up. I listened as the monster spat and hissed terrible things about me. No one will ever believe in you. You're worthless. You're pathetic. No one is ever going to love you.
My breath hitched when I fully woke up again. I was in Mikey's arms. He was awake and looking at me in concern. I closed my eyes and sighed. Mikey kissed my forehead and held me tightly. "It's okay, it's okay. I've got you." I tried to calm down. I hugged Mikey tightly and buried my head in his chest. He sat up and hugged me tighter. "I've got you. You're going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay." He repeated these words in my ear while rocking back and forth. I opened my eyes and locked eyes with his hazel ones. He kissed me softly. "Are you feeling better?" I nodded. "It's 7:30, do you want to go back to sleep?" I shook my head. He tickled me a little. I giggled and smacked his hand away. "Sorry, I just needed to hear your adorable laugh." I pulled the blanket closer to me and snuggled against Mikey.
"I'm cold," I said. He laughed and wrapped an arm around me. He used his other hand to grab my book and started reading it. I smiled and drew figurines on his tummy. He smiled but continued to read his book. I stayed quiet and listened to his heartbeat. Every once in a while, he would turn the page of the book. I smiled and how innocent this moment is. What if I could have this every day for the rest of my life? I thought. I smiled wider at that thought.
"You hungry?" Mikey asked after a while. I nodded. "Wanna order room service or go out for breakfast?"
"Let's go out for food," I said with a slight stretch. "I doubt the guys are awake yet." He nodded.
