wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 5 } - Alleyway

Dan's POV

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?"

I turned.

And I ran.

I ran fast.

I had to get away, to escape.

To escape everyone, everything, especially Phil, my parents, and that goddamn restaurant. I pushed through the crowds people tutting me as I went, most of them stepping aside to let me through.

"DAN!"

"DAN, STOP!"

"DAN WAIT!"

Phil's shouts echoed in the street, and I could feel his eyes on me, along with a few other people who had stopped and stared. Being as unfit as I was, only a few seconds running caused my lungs to burn, and my head to ache but I was filled with such rage and energy that I couldn't stop.

More seconds passed. I accidentally managed to knock a briefcase out of a man's hand. I turned and apologised and stopped running, giving myself time to get my breath back. I looked back to see no sign of Phil.

".... NEVER BEEN PUT OFF MY FOOD SO MUCH IN MY LIFE..."

I had to sit down, my legs were aching and shook like fucking hell. I kept clenching and unclenching my fists, desperately trying to reduce my anger. I speed-walked and then turned at a corner.

"... DAN HOWELL, I AM OFFICIALLY DISOWNING YOU..."

There was an alleyway. Perfect. It looked cold and uninviting and dark. On a normal day, I would have avoided this kind of alleyway, but it was lit with just enough light from the street lamp that I considered it a good place for me to sit and think. I slipped down the alleyway to find a wooden crate half-way down.

"... YOU DISRESPECTFUL PIECE OF WORTHLESSNESS..."

I sat on it. And I cried. Hard.

I put my hands over my face and sobbed into them. I have no clue how long I was sat there for, but it felt like eternity. Dad's words rattled through my throbbing head constantly. At some point, I grabbed a empty can from the floor by my foot and threw it at the wall in anger, and I listened to the echo of metal hitting brick.

"...WHAT? A GAY FAGGOT?..."

My parent's faces... As I tried to push Phil out the way to reach them, to explain, to do anything to stop them from hating me. I dimly remember the people in the restaurant watching the huge scene, mouths hanging open. Dad simply in rage, and Mum in silent disgust. My kicks and screams and clawing at Phil to get him out of my way and...

Phil. Oh God. I felt so fucking angry with him.

"It's fine Dan, everything will be okay... You can trust me. They won't find out until you're ready to let them find out.

I promise..."

He promised. And then he broke it. What the fuck had he been doing? Had his brain not been switched on or something?

I really don't give a shit about him at the moment, I thought to myself. I wanted to smash his face in, to punch him over and over for what he did. I don't bloody care if it was an accident.

The late October air began to nip at me badly. My black coat really wasn't that thick and I began to shudder. How do I get home? I decided to take a taxi, and pray Phil wasn't at home when I got there. That would be awkward.

I got up and walked out of the alleyway. I managed to flag a cab and got in, passing the taxi driver the money. I then noticed my hands were shaking furiously.

I wanted Phil's cool and soft hands to sooth them, but he wasn't there. I don't miss him. Of course. Fuck no, not after what just happened. But then I wished he was here, next to me.

I'm one soppy loser, I thought.

And yet anger was still raging through me like hell and I realised I wasn't really sure that I would be able to forgive him for what he did, ever.