wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 7 } - Choke

{1 HOUR EARLIER}

Dan's POV

I didn't dare look back at him after I pushed him. I simply darted to my room and slammed my bedroom door shut. I ripped my coat off and dived onto the bed, causing it to shake violently.

I buried my face in the covers, I found it hard to breath but I didn't care. I wanted to smother myself in the bedsheets and hopefully choke to death.

I was a mess. My parent's now hated and despised me, and my own Dad had even officially disowned me.

I hate Phil.

I hate Phil.

I hate Phil.

Anger was still coursing through my bloodstream even now. I gripped the pillow and bit into it with frustration. I needed to get my thoughts straight.

Suddenly, there was a knock at his door. Tentive and quiet, but sure.

"Dan?"

I hate Phil.

I hate Phil.

I HATE Phil.

I leaped off my bed, shaking. I didn't want to see him, I didn't want to speak to him, and I didn't want anything to do with him. I didn't even register that it was an accident, I was just filled to the brim with hatred for Phil over this stupid thing he had done, and I really didn't want to speak to him now. I wanted him to leave me alone.

I very carefully and quickly removed my huge twenty-seven inch iMac off the desk, so it stood on the floor. I then used all my strength to push my desk up against the door. It was almost up against the door when Phil opened it slightly.

"Dan... I'm- OW MY FINGER!"

I had given it a sudden push, just as Phil's finger had appeared around the side of the door, trapping them. I could hear him bouncing around in the hallway, muttering.

"Argh.. Owowowowow..."

I lay down again on my bed, placing the pillow over my head, blocking him out but I couldn't. I forced my fists into the pillow that was wrapped around my head and pushed and pushed until I could almost feel my knuckles on my ears through the fabric and wadding of the pillow. I wanted to shove my hands right into my ears, forcing any noise around me to be sealed away, so I couldn't hear a thing. I needed time and space, and I really needed to be alone. But, within seconds, Phil was thumping at the door.

"Dan! Let me in!"

"Dan! Please, I can explain!"

"Dan, please OPEN THE DOOR!"

I realised that this was all very new to me. I hadn't been this angry for so long and it didn't feel right in any way. This wasn't me! I usually thought of myself as nice. During my teenage years of being ruthlessly bullied at school, I had always doubted myself and always believe I was stupid and dumb, because that was what I had been told every single day by the thugs who punched and kicked me and harmed and ruined my body and my personality. But I always knew one thing; I was kind. I had thousands of opportunities to saw something sarcastic back to the bullies, but I never did because unlike them, I believed I had a heart. That was what Phil said the first ever time I skyped him.

"You've got a really big heart, Dan. You're so kind to people."

"Thanks, Phil!"

I hate Phil.

I hate Phil.

Oh God, Phil.