wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 23 } - Sparks

Chris' POV

We set off for the hospital. We'd been doing this everyday for two weeks and every time we did, a small bit of hope flickered in my heart.

Hope that Phil would wake up. Hope that Sarah wouldn't need to come and tell us Phil was still unconscious. Just...

Hope. I guess.

I was a lot more cheerful now. PJ had made me realise that I did need to face reality. Worse things had happened to people.

I shoved my hands into my coat pockets. The late November afternoons were getting frostier and colder. I liked winter. It was always pretty. I shot a sideways glance at PJ. He was walking beside me, staring at the floor, deep in thought, a small grin plastered to his face.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I smirked.

"Nah, nothing... I'm just happier that you're better now." He turned to stare at me as we walked.

"Me too." I smiled at him.

But-

PJ had also made me realise something else that day. Something that I didn't really understand.

PJ was Phil's best mate too, but somehow, Phil's coma hadn't affected him as badly as me. I wasn't closer to Phil than PJ, but...

Memories.

Memories of Phil's every touch that alighted sparks on my skin. Even if it was a simple accidental nudge in the side. A memory of a small twinge in my stomach when we saw Dan kiss Phil in the ambulance. And being jealous of the way they always looked at each other.

Pure happiness. Something I mostly lacked.

Memories of being so excited when PJ told me that Phil was coming with us on holiday in 2011 when we travelled to Italy.

Maybe that's why I don't like Dan so much. Maybe that's why. I'm jealous.

Wait, what?

Does that mean... I have feelings for Ph-

"Chris?"

"Mhm?" I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Are you alright, mate?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You looked like you were about to start crying."

"Really?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"I'm fine... Just deep in thought."

"M'kay."

* * *

"Hey, Sarah." PJ called as we sat down in the reception area opposite her.

She looked in pain.

"Hello boys."

"So... How's Ph-" PJ began.

"I have some bad news, boys."

I immediately tensed up.

Please no.

"Well..." Sarah struggled to get the words out. She looked around the room, avoiding our gaze.

"Phil's form of coma is tough. If he was supposed to wake up, he should have woken up a day after he fell in the coma. And... The longer he is in the coma, the less chance there is of him..." She couldn't quite finish.

"I see." PJ said quietly.

I couldn't say anything.

Did this mean Phil... Was as good as dead? Phil? Dead?

Phil? The tall ebony-haired male who had the amazing ability to make you smile and be sweet when he was well on his way to thirty? He had been well on his way to thirty. Before -

No. Really?

So... Phil is dead?

Nothing could sink in. I spent my energy blocking out the thoughts.

Phil? AmazingPhil? The guy who brightened up my week when PJ and I went to see him?

Phil?

Phil.

Why had this happened to him? Why not somebody else? Why not another guy?

Why not Dan?

Why couldn't it have been Dan who fell? Dan who ended up in hospital? Dan who's as good as dead? I suddenly realised I hated Dan. I hated him but i couldn't figure out why. I hated him more than anyone.

PJ glanced at me and quietly murmured a brief "Thank you" to Sarah.

"Chris? Should we go? Or do you want to see Phil?" He asked me.

I nodded.

I shook my head.

I shrugged.

I had no idea.

"I think we should go."

PJ nodded at Sarah before pulling me up by my arm. We silently walked through reception and out through the automatic doors. It was raining hard, but we had no umbrella.

PJ took ten steps before stopping and taking me by the shoulders. He looked into my eyes and sighed deeply.

"Chris..." He said.

"PJ?" I croaked.

"Yeah?"

"Can I... Can I...."

PJ smiled weakly.

"It's fine. Let it all out, Chris."

And so I did.

I fell to my knees on the hard gravel of the hospital car park and let the teara flow as PJ looked down at me. He crouched down beside me and hugged me tight.

Our cheeks were wet but I wasn't sure if that was because of the rain or our tears.

...

A/N: hey guys ! so, i'm well aware that in my last chapter, i brought PJ out to being a little bit of a twat. i know fully well that PJ is a little angel, but it was just for the storyline.