wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 27 } - Letters to the Silent

Dan's POV

Hello Phil,

How are you? I hope you're alright. You don't seem okay. When I stare at your face, you never move a muscle. Just one facial expression, Phil. Just one movement. I'd see it. All I do is watch you now. Yeah... It sounds creepy. But I miss you more than anyone can imagine and I feel comfort in staring at your face for long periods of time.

I don't really sleep anymore. I only use the bed that Sarah put in the room when my back starts to kill me. I've been sat in that chair for ages and ages, I can see why my back would be hurting. But it's worth it.

Sarah's the nurse. I've probably already told you about her. She's helped me so much, when you couldn't and I'm so grateful for her. You'd like her.

Chris and PJ pop in every day to "check on Phil". To be perfectly honest, they probably check up on me too, to make sure I haven't slit my wrists or something.

Wow. I've just imagined what I must look like. I haven't showered for a few days now, not after Sarah physically pushed me into the male showering room. She didn't give me clean clothes, I'm too big for most of the clothes here at the hospital. I'm still wearing my black Yeezus shirt from the morning after it all happened. My jeans are probably welded to my legs now. Oh well, I don't really care.

My hair must be a state. I take my phone out to use the camera as a mirror, and then I realise I hadn't used my phone for so long and it feels funny and cold in my hand, despite sitting in my pocket for hours.

I look into the phone. My hair's a mess. It's all stuck up at weird angles. I lick my hand and run it through it and I can imagine your reaction.

"Eurgh, Dan! That's gross!"

But of course you don't say that.

Sorry, I've been boring you with useless drabble. I'll get to the real stuff now.

I'm not sad anymore, Phil. I don't mourn you anymore. I don't cry over you anymore. You know why?

Because we're not going to be apart for much longer. I will join you, someday soon. I'll join you and we can have our own little heaven together. And there we'll both stay forever and ever, nobody can ever touch us. No fans making fun of us, no homophobic parents or people in general.

I can't wait. I'm excited to see you again, to hold you. I guess, ghost-sex won't be as good as the real thing. I'm laughing out loud in spite of myself.

Well, I hope you're good. Can't wait to finally join you again. I'll be there soon, Phil. I promise you. Promise me you'll wait for me.

Love from,
Dan.
^-^

And with that, I stand up. And stretch my arms behind my head, sighing heavily, looking at the room around me.

I won't be here for much longer.