wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 22 } - Changed

PJ's POV

I was getting mad now. I was fed up and I just wanted this whole thing to end.

It was horrible. I had been staying over at Chris' flat recently, but it seemed like I lived on my own. It was a dark and empty cycle that I just needed to escape from, to forget. 

Especially Chris.

He didn't speak. He didn't laugh. He didn't smile. He didn't make rude jokes. He didn't eat. He didn't even leave his room. 

Not like the old Chris I knew as my best friend.

It was like somebody had scooped out his soul and happiness and left him with just a small dark shell.

I hate this all so much. 

I didn't understand. Why was he so upset and depressed? Things like this happen to people all the time. He was just being stupid now. 

And it only took me so far to realise that I had had enough. He was just being stupid and a drama queen.

On the day that made Phil's stay in hospital about two weeks long, I realised I had to tell him to man up and stop being an idiot and face the real world. He had to come out of his room and work normally and just be happy again. 

"Chris?" I said as I peeked round his door. 

"Hm."

"Chris?"

He stayed silent.

"Chris, buddy, you need to stop this."

He sighed quietly.

"Look, Chris... I know this is a hard time for you because you're so close to Phil. But you need to face reality now." I bit the inside of my cheek, wondering if this was a good idea.

His head snapped up.

"What... do you mean?" He croaked.

"You need to... stop acting like a little girl and go about your normal life."

"Pff... Whatever Peej."

"Chris..."

I was slowly coming to the end of my tether and my face was burning. He was ignoring me. He'd been ignoring the world entirely over the last few weeks and it had to end now.

"C'mon, Chris. You need to get out of the house."

"Stop acting like my mum, PJ."

"Chris..."

"Go away, PJ." He snapped.

"Right."

That was it. I'd had enough. Chris had finally made me crack. I jumped onto his bed and pulled his legs down and pushed his head up to face me.

"What-"

Chris pushed my hands away, but he kept his gaze on me.

"Chris, listen. You are being a wimp. Phil is fine and the doctors are doing everything they can but you just lock yourself away in your room, day in and day out and block the world away from you. Sometimes I wonder if Dan is coping better than you are, and he loves Phil more than anyone. You need to get out of this house and go about your normal day because otherwise, nothing will be the same. I try everything. Trying to make you laugh and get you to play video games with me. But no. You just shut yourself away and it's stupid. You're being stupid, in fact you're-"

"SHUT UP!" Chris shouted.

I stopped talking.

"SHUT UP, PJ. You don't understand!"

"Understand... what?" I gave him a quizzical look.

Chris stuttered and his face paled slightly.

"You won't...Nothing." He mumbled quickly.

"Tell me." I insisted.

"It's nothing."

"Okay." I finished.

There was an uncomfortable silence between us. We both wanted to say things but we didn't know how.

"Look, Chris... It makes me really sad, y'know. You're one of my best mates and you're the best to joke with and bant to and that's why we get along so well. But... This whole thing has just left you cold and small and quiet, and I just want my best mate back. The old Chris."

Chris' eyes filled with tears but he blinked them away. He was hoping I hadn't seen them.

"I'm sorry, PJ. I-I... I just find it a little hard. I'm really close to Phil and-"

"I know you are. You'd choose Phil over Dan anyday." I smiled.

"Yeah..."

He looked out the window.

"I'm sorry for being an ass, PJ. I'll man up and-"

"No, Chris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean the things I said-" I said, feeling guilty, instantly regretting what I'd said.

"No. PJ, it's fine. It made me realise I'm a real mess. I'll try to stop being... an idiot."

And he gave me his first grin in two whole weeks.

"Thanks, Chris."

We sat in companiable silence for a while. I occasionally stole glances at Chris, happy to find him smiling slightly as he was deep in thought.

"So," I began. "Fancy going for some pizza for lunch?"

"Yeah... please," he smiled. "And, PJ?"

"Yes?"

"Can... Can we visit the hospital afterwards to see Phil?"

"Of course we can." I nodded.

"M'kay. Lemme get ready."

"Alright."

I lept off the bed and headed for the door, a grin plastered to my face. I'd done it.

"Oh, and Peej?"

"Ye-" I stopped in mid sentence when a pillow slapped me on the face. I snorted and chucked it back at him.

"That's for calling me a wimp." Chris winked.

I laughed and turned to leave again.

"Oh, and Chris?" I said over my shoulder.

"What?"

"It's good to have you back."

Chris grinned.