wake up, phil - [phan]

{ 42 } - Stumble

A/N: double update today and double update tomorrow whooo :)

the next chapter is extremely cheesy smh, but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless.

thank you for everything.

-

Dan's POV

A particularly sharp gust of wind flies towards my body, almost pushing me off my feet as I'm stood up high on top of the concrete raised platform on the bridge, pushing me away from the dark and cold abyss below.

C'mon. Are you going to do this, or not?

I would probably get pulled off the platform by police soon for mistreating the council's property, but now, I really could not care less. I stared down at my toes, which were centimetres away from the edge of the platform, which was seconds away from a drop of definite death into the cold black hole that swallows you up, choking you till your face turns blue and your senses cut off. And then everything disappears.

I had to summon every sad thought into my head, every memory of every time that I had felt pain, because that was the only way I could muster the will power to jump. To go and finally leave this place that I had hated and loved over my lifetime.

But my feet seemed glued to the concrete and I couldn't move a muscle from my knees downwards. My legs were shaking too much, soaked from the rain that blew around them.

Why couldn't I jump? When I left the hospital and the flat, I had it all set out in my mind what I was going to do, I had a plan and everything. But now, when it comes down to what I came here to do, I keep thinking,

Do I need to do this?

But then I remember,

You have nobody to go back to.

Go on, jump. Now you're little security blanket is gone, you'll have to face the music if you go back. Back to no one.

Jump.

You just used him. You used him to protect yourself. He probably knew that. I bet he's glad he got away from you.

Jump.

You're a coward. You're a joker. You thought that by wanting to kill yourself, you would do it. You're not brave. You just want attention.

Jump.

All you care about is saving your own ass. Not saving anyone else's.

Jump.

You got angry at someone for a mistake they made. It was a mistake. And he was sorry for what he did but you completely ignored him, just like how you used him. If you really loved him, you would've forgiven him.

Jump.

I took a step closer to the edge.

"DON'T JUMP!"

His voice is louder than everyone else's, it drowns them out and they fall silent behind him.

"Phil?" I say calmly, turning to look at him at the sound of his voice and I'm met with his peaceful blue eyes that are anxious and piercing into me.

"Don't jump." he says slowly.

"Why not?" I whisper.

He leaned forward and took my hand from my side, holding it in his own warm one, his eyes small pools of water, so different to the murky ones underneath us.