The Worst Warriors Fanfic Ever

Book 2 - Chapter 1

Blaze here with chapter 1!The sarcasm is high in this chapter. Not so many obvious jokes...... Ah well! Enjoy it anyway!

Orangekit huffed and tried desperately to pull away from Yellowstar's tongue.

"MOM GET OFF ME! You've been grooming me for half the day! Don't you have leader things to do?" He wailed. The poor tom (and he's a tomcat now because no one chose genders when they were born last chapter, and of course our main protagonist must now be male to balance it all out) kicked his mother's paws and tried to wrestle his body away.

"Well now you've gotten more dirt on your already pristine pelt, darling. I have to make you clean. You are after all, the carbon copy of me! And if cats see you dirty, they'll think I'm a bad mother and that I'm dirty too. My reputation is too good to be besmirched by you." Yellowstar informed him, using her powers of awesomeness to trap Orangekit in front of her.

"I'm Clean! I was clean half a day ago! GOD WOMAN your tongue feels like sandpaper on my head! Someone free me from my misery!"

Of course at that moment Bubblefur had walked past his family. He heard the pleas of his favorite son, and with a wink he sidled up to Yellowstar.

"Hey baby, the Clan is mostly empty and you've got a nice big leaders den for us to.... make warm. I'll see you in a few minutes, sweetie." He purred before disappearing  into the leaders den.

Orangekit began gagging as Yellowstar dropped him and immediately ran for the leader's den.

"Gross! Oh where's the bleach for those images?!" He cried out.

"Well you could probably just take yew berries for a better effect. Death is a more permanent solution, don't you agree?" Milkkit said, sitting next to him. Her fur was pristine but she smelled strongly of herbs.

"Uh, what?" He asked. She sighed and rolled her eyes.

"It was just a joke. Anyway, what do you want to do now that Yellowstar is distracted?" She asked, bouncing up and down.

"We can wrestle! Or play moss-ball or hide-and-seek or -"

"Maybe we could sort herbs! Or have an herb naming competition! Oh that sounds like fun!" Milkkit cut him off with a dreamy look on her face. Orangekit frowned at her.

"Just because you want to be a medicine cat really really badly doesn't mean you have to be completely obsessed with herbs. Play around with me now before we're apprenticed in the next chapter! Then we won't ever see each other again."

Milkkit flicked her tail at him. "Just because you're the main character doesn't mean you have to be a bull-headed interfering busy-body."

"What are you talking about I just want to play with you!" He said.

"Why do you have to be so rude? This is what I'm talking about! You're such a jerky meanie-pants. I don't even know what pants is!" She huffed and turned around, plopping herself in a lonely corner of the camp even though she could have sat with the other kits (who were all much too afraid of future-Orangekit to actually talk to him).

Orangekit was left staring at his angry sister. "What did I do? Ugh, she-cats. This must be her annoying melt-down that they all get before they suddenly remember that they're my best friend." He shrugged and relaxed on a convenient nearby sunning rock, ignoring the elders that needed to warm their fur on the rocks that he was hogging with his extremely large kit-body. Because apparently cats don't know what sharing is. Unless you're a tribe cat. They're ok.