The Worst Warriors Fanfic Ever

Book 2 - Chapter 23

Fancyfur sipped his cup of tea, staring down at the peasants he knew could never be as stereotypically british as he could. He'd been watching the battle in amusement since it began, and by this point his vision was composed of blurred movements and bright rainbows. "Were the aliens a bit much?" He asked, as if it were a preposterous question.

Stripefur grumbled something to himself. Fancyfur couldn't hear what he said, but it sounded very evil-like and foreboding. The battlefield was littered with random dead bodies and popsicle sticks, not to mention the flaming ice-cream truck that had crashed into the side of one of Yellowstar's antique unicorn statue. Yet, despite the carnage, both her and Yellowstar remained completely unharmed. "We're going to have to get Suavagefur if we want them dead."

"Suavagefur?" Darksoul groaned, having taken a brief intermission from the battle, and appearing miraculously unharmed. "But she's the worst!"

"I know, peasant, but you're going to have to deal with her," Stripefur snapped.

"Her name's stupid!"

Stripefur rolled his eyes. "Shut up."

"She swims funny! She's purple! She eats all of her sandwiches one ingredient at a time!" Darksoul argued. There was a large rainbow explosion somewhere off in the distance, and Yellowstar burst forth from the ThunderClan camp entrance riding a velociraptor and clubbing unsuspecting cats over the head with various kitchen appliances. "She hates bunnies! She has tacos on monday! She smells weird! She killed a guy! She likes cheese!

"Darksoul you don't even know who-"

"She cuts people at starbucks! She hits dogs with other dogs! She juggles chainsaws! I don't know, I mean, I don't think that's a good idea," Darksoul though aloud, clapping a paw over Stripefur's mouth before he could insult him again. "After all, she burns down houses! She eats lamborghinis!"

"You know what, I didn't hear any of that." Stripefur trailed off, shoving him away and running off majestically through the undergrowth towards the battlefield.

"Stripefur! Wait!" Darksoul yelled after him. "Suavagefur! She doesn't like smurfs! She roller-skates with penguins! She's not a fan of the seventh Star Wars movie! She hates ducks! She takes picture of all of her food!"

Fancyfur cleared his throat, gesturing towards the empty spot that Darksoul had been ranting at. Darksoul flicked his tail in exasperation, and Fancyfur awkwardly placed his tea cup on the coaster sitting in the grass beside him. "So, uh... who's Suavagefur?"

Darksoul whipped around to look at him. "She paints her nails twice a week! She always leaves the fridge open! She..."

—-

"FIRE!" Yellowstar yowled, riding her velociraptor into the sunset as her two moon old granddaughter, Silverkit, fired a fully automated assault rifle into the crowd of jell-o covered cats below. Orangefurpaw was uselessly wandering around the field, and every cat within two feet of him was instantly killed by his awesomeness.

"BUY SOME CRANBERRY JUICE! IT'S CRANTASTIC!" Rubberbutt screeched, bowling multiple First dark forest order cats over with her cranberry juice cart. Behind her ran a breathless Bubblefur, who was repeatedly yelling at her about not having  vendor's permit.

Yellowstar dismounted her velociraptor. "Cuddles, attack!" She commanded, and the velociraptor charged into the endless mass of cats, killing everything in its path. More and more dark forest cats kept appearing, and somewhere in the distance the other Clans were starting to notice that something about hundreds of thousands of evil cat spirits running around ThunderClan territory seemed a little off.