Livin It Up (Sequel to Make It Last Forever)

Love The Most

Ciara POV

I decided to get away,I wouldn't necessarily say I moved out my house but I'm staying in a hotel deeper into the city. I just really need to clear my mind,Nicki has been calling and texting me still about where I'm at and she wants to talk to me,I can't believe she questioned our marriage then said I've always been a stubborn bitch. Zahir is almost 3 months old and he's just a ball of energy,always laughing and smiling,it's such a beautiful sight. I died my hair black and I really love it,especially with curls,I feel like I'm starting to find my inner self now that I'm away from everything. I still see everybody but I'm focusing on me,I've been around Jhené a lot and she's really good with spiritual healing. I meditate and stuff with her and it's really great. Nayvadius has Zahir right now and Safaree asked me to meet him at the studio so I agreed to it. When I get there I ask the receptionist what room he's in and I make my way down the hall to it. I walk in the room and he hugs me and tells me what the song is about.

"I know this is probably not the best song to record around you but I really wanted you to hear it first cause I know you always tell me to express how I feel without jumping to a solution first" He says

"It's fine" I say

He gives me a small smile before going in the booth,he put the headphones on and clears his throat.

"When we first met you laughed at me,Who'd a known for 12 years you'd laugh with me,we started out as a group, told no lies we just spoke the truth,I used to cheer you on in the booth,we dreamed about cars that ain't have a roof,so I'mma fast forward to now,we in the industry now,look how it ruined us wow,behind doors I'm the man,calculated and I planned,what a shame it took a split for them to know I was your man,got so tired of hidin' it,head high with no pride in it,guess I wasn't cool enough cause in our pictures we hidin' it,everytime it went south, I be sleepin' on the couch,hotel room for one, thinkin' what is this about,I took the good with the bad,always heated I was mad,In our pictures yeah we're smilin' but inside I'm feelin' sad,did the good outweigh the bad or did the bad outweigh the good,you ain't do it all alone we took ourselves up out the hood,yeah we made it on the rise,ain't no green in my eyes cause we both went to sleep in the same bed of lies" He raps

That was really heartfelt,I'm proud of him.

"There's a little more to do but that's what I have so far" He says while coming out the booth

"That was really good" I proudly smile

He gives me a smile and I stay while he finishes up the song. I can't help but think about Nicki and our situation,I don't know what I did to deserve this but things happen. I'm not gonna lie,I was a little caught up in the light but all I did was hold her down,to them she's a billboard and I really cared about her well being. I don't care about her wealth or fame but yet it feels like that's what she thought. I'm not saying I'm the best but no one will love her like I do,I knew her for so long that it's a habit to love her. I ain't never think our book woulda ended on this page,had to watch her kiss Alan and even though I had to pretend it was cool,deep down I felt like a fool,she said I was overreacting but I guess she really did like him. I'm not playing tit for tat and I'm not even tryna pull her down. I ain't even gonna front like I never watched the show she's in on TV,I'm still her biggest fan and I don't need a front row to prove it,even though we're not great right now,it's hard to forget about her or show how much I care still. The sad part is I don't feel she wishes the best for me though,especially after what happened the last time I seen her. It was always me and her who steered the relationship the whole time till Alan came along,then she let somebody new whisper in her ear and I would've never thought he would realize that was my biggest fear. Too late for that now. I just don't understand how I was always there for her but the little moments I needed her she was too busy with Alan,how can I trust her again when I'm not even around her. I will never know why people you love the most hurt you in the worst way.

A/N: Emotions,emotions. Next update soon!