What Life Stole From Me

Chapter Forty-Four; Back in my dark world.

The world had blacked out on me,it felt like I had ceased to exist for that moment,I had literally stopped breathing.

All I heard were echoes of a messy chaos around me,but I was unable to move.
It felt like the hurt and pain had engulfed me at whole.

My eyes were dry,fixated on nothingness,I was staring blankly at nothing in particular,all I heard were echoed words of Dr. Sullivan addressing the people in the room,but mostly His words were meant to have more effect on me.

"........happens at childbirth........"
".........But hers were a bit more complex than any usual complications,Her blood pressure was high which is totally normal at childbirth. But hers coupled with annurism which only surfaced very late,leaving us no time to operate on her,the pressure caused for her blood pressure to shoot up and her heart gave away."
"........I'm so sorry. We did all we could."

After what felt like forever,my body found the will to move.

I shifted my gaze,Around me were Sarah's parents and her sister,crying fiercely.

Jake and Maya were sobbing by my right hand side,My family camped at my left side,everyone was crying.

Cathy was holding my daughter and she had tears in both eyes,Simon by her side with his head down.

I looked cluelessly at them,the hurt engulfing me,At that moment,I was unable to present the situation with any kind of emotion,because I was still in denial.

"She is not gone. No. My Sarah cannot just go away. She is a good girl...and a beautiful mother. You all think God can be that cruel?"

I looked between the faces in the room talking to no one in particular,as if challenging someone to protest.

"She has been through a lot already,Our story cannot end this way. She said it herself. She'll come around,just wait and see." I mumbled around almost incoherently.

"Es please..." It was my mom,pleading and sobbing,She moved to pat my shoulder but I yanked her hand away.

"No. Don't touch me! Nobody can tell me anything! She's not gone! It cant be. No!"

"Mr. Alcaraz,You need to calm down,your surgery wound is still very fresh."

"Don't tell me that! No,no. No!" I shouted repeatedly.

"No! No! No! Noooooooooo!" The sting of a needle was the last thing I felt before I passed out.
No,pain was the last thing I felt.

***********

It had been Seven weeks since I had lost myself.
Yes,I lost myself.

After I got discharged from the hospital,I locked myself inside my room.

It felt huge,it felt empty,I couldn't stop the tears from running down my cheeks all the time.
Pain became a permanent part of me. The feeling was no longer foreign.
Hurt and pain became almost 'physical' parts of me.

Since I woke up from Dr. Sullivan's forced sedative injection,I hadn't said a single word to anyone. Not even to my daughter.

I locked myself up in my room for two weeks. It felt like I was a walking zombie.

My family and Sarah's would come to my door and knock,trying to get me to talk,but I never succumbed.

"Esteban,Son,please talk to me,please say something. You need to talk to someone,I beg you." Sarah's mom would say.

And so did every other member of both my families,including my son Josh. And Jake and Maya.

I ignored all.