What Life Stole From Me

Chapter Ten

        Naveed took me to a restaurant for breakfast,he looked all apologetic throughout,my enormous eater of a man had no appetite anymore,even I couldn't eat.
     We sat opposite to one another in a secluded table,both looking at each other in an uncomfortable silence and poking at our breakfast. I poked at my food with one hand holding a spoon and hid the other under the table squeezing the hem of my dress.
I didn't feel the same,I wasn't the same anymore.

     When I was still a little girl,I feared losing my virginity in a night club,to a one-night-stand local Coastal town guy,or at the back of a car. But I didn't see that to come and pass,Instead,I lost my virginity to the handsome young and rich man that was sitting opposite me,and suddenly I didn't know what else to think of sex,or if I'd ever be having it again.
     It hurt,but not quite as much as it pleasured.

    I felt like a part of me had been lost. I missed my Mom at that moment. I imagined how she'd have reacted,how she'd have freaked out and go over the lecture on safe sex.

"A penny for your thoughts." He interrupted my very disturbing thoughts.  Could I really tell him what I was thinking? I doubted.

"A lot." I answered,lowering my head to glance at my hand fondling the hem of my dress,anxiously.

"My God,Sarah I feel like crap." He said,I watched him drop his cutlery and moved his plate aside,ran his hand through His hair in frustration.

"Why? Please don't". I tried so hard to rein in my shattered confidence to sound like I was alright,I failed miserably.

"Its just..." He paused and threw me a blank stare. "....when I look into your eyes and see regret written all over,I just want to go back to yesterday and change everything. I wouldn't have..."

"Stop it Naveed." I caught him mid-sentence.  "Just stop it. I can assure you that I feel many things,but regret is not one of them,Its normal with every girl,please humor me." I did an excellent job of stabilizing my tone,contrary to what I was feeling inside; pure frustration.

"Okay,can you at least please eat? Before I drop you off,please?" He narrowed his sparkling eyes down at me,while he held my hand passionately.

"Okay,I will." I snatched back my hand and focused on my breakfast.

     We finished eating and Naveed dropped me off at home by Eleven. The drive home was in absolute silence too. Naveed threw a few glances at me every now and then,his eyes beaming with a bleak combination of both regret and concern. It only just furthered my frustration because I was not even regretting losing my virginity to him,I felt something different. It was unexplainable and I thought it was okay,not like I had two virginities to lose for me to know how it felt twice.

      Jake was not at home when I got in. Perfect,I needed to bury myself in my bed and reflect on the previous hours.

     Naveed texted immediately after he dropped me;
    "Are you okay babe?"
I replied;
    "Yes. Okay."
He replied almost immediately;
   "I'll see you at Jerry's around 4pm okay? I miss you."

  He was impossible. We were together just a few minutes ago. I smiled and dropped my phone at the bedside drawer.
   My shift was not until three p.m. So I sank in my bed as I'd planned,and cried until I couldn't cry no more.

   When it was time for my shift,I washed my face and tried with all my might to look alright,and I headed out.

     I walked to Jerry's in normal strides. I felt like I was naked,Hell,I felt like everyone was looking at me as if I had grown another head,or there was a tag written on my forehead stating; 'Not a virgin anymore'. I quivered at the thought.
      As I crossed the road,and was opposite Alcaraz empire,I glanced over at a woman walking her daughter out of the building,the girl looked to be around eight to nine years old. I stood still and looked at the innocent being,and said to myself; "Just yesterday,I was like that little girl,innocent and untouched."  I looked until I couldn't see them anymore,and then shook off my head as if shaking off the thought. "Let go,let go." I said to myself and walked faster until I could see the entrance to Jerry's.