Journeys(L.H)

Chapter 21

Luke's POV(since Brinley is unconscious ya know):

After I ran out of the room where I'd been angered into hitting my best friend, I didn't know what to do. My hand were shaking and a lump in my throat had started to grow. I ran out to the buses. Ashton and Michael would ask too many questions, so I ran into the One Direction bus. They all looked startled to see me bursting it like that. Harry was nowhere to be seen.

"Hey mate. What's up?" Louis said, standing up. I was shaking so hard that I could barely respond.
"Uh, you know, not much." I said, trying not to stammer and stumble on my words.
"You look like you need someone to talk to. Come sit down." Liam said, slapping a spot on the couch next to him. I cautiously obeyed and folded my head in my hands.

"I messed up so bad." I whispered while pressing my palms to my eyes.
"Is this about that Caspar lad? I heard you went off on him." Zayn asked the boys. Louis nodded and tightened his lips together.

Then Niall entered the room holding a USA singlet. "Has anybody seen my-what happened?" He asked them, pulling on the singlet and sitting down next to Zayn.
"Luke, what's the matter?" Liam asked me, resting his tattooed arms over my back.

   "I did something so terrible. He's never gonna forgive me." I moaned to myself. I knew I wasn't making any sense to them but I just couldn't help it. I was so shaken up and mad at myself and confused that I couldn't think straight.
     "Who? Caspar?" Niall asked, looking from one confused boy to the others. "I'm sure he'll understand if you had a good reason for knocking him out." Niall tried to reassure me. I tried to make the lump in my throat constricting my words go away but it only made the guilt worse. I was on the verge of breaking down right in front of the most famous boy band in the world.
    "No, not Caspar." I shook my head and rubbed my hands over my face. I couldn't bring myself to look at them in the eyes when I told them what I'd done. "Calum." I said, my voice cracking at the thought of his broken face telling me what I'd become.

    "What did you do to Calum?" Louis asked, quietly and comfortingly in my ear while rubbing circles in my back. These guys were all like my brothers and they would be so disappointed in my if I told them what I did.
    I decided to tell them. Maybe I would feel better. "We got into a huge fight and I-I accidentally pushed him. I didn't even push him that hard but he fell back into a cabinet and his head-" I was a blubbering mess of tears, snot, guilt and self anger towards myself.

   I didn't want to look up. I'd rather look at my hands that had done something terrible than to see the people that I care about be disappointed in me.
   "Oh Luke." I heard Niall say quietly.
    "It's gonna be alright mate." Louis tried to say reassuringly. He kept rubbing my back and it reminded me of my mother and that made me miss home even more. Home was a warm cozy place with my friends that didn't have bleeding heads and hot chocolate with my brothers. Home wasn't this hell of moving on every single night to another city, trying to forget the night before.
    "Well, where is he now? Have you guys talked?" Liam asked in his "daddy direction" voice. 

I could barely lift the weight of the guilt in my head. "I-I left him there. I ran away here." I said to them, finally being able to stop hyperventilating.
    "You left him there?" Zayn asked in disbelief. "I gotta go get him. He could be dying!" He said loudly to Louis.

  I saw Louis make a face at Zayn. "He knows he screwed up! Don't make it worse." Louis hissed at his bandmate. Then Louis sent him off to go get Calum and bring him back to the 5SOS bus.

"Luke, why would you just leave him there?" Liam asked me after Zayn left.
"I don't know! I just couldn't bring myself to help him up and face him and I don't know." I blabbered on to myself and partially to them.
"Well, what are you gonna do?" Louis asked. Niall remained quiet and still, eyes glued to his hands, as if he knew something we didn't.

   "I don't know." I whispered, blinking back tears.
    "Well you need to figure out something." Louis said again.
    "I don't know." I repeated in a monotone voice.
  "You can't just stay in a fight forever." Louis said to me in a nagging voice.
    "I said I don't know!" I shouted and stood up, blood pumping with sudden and intense fury. When I finally unclenched my fists and calmed down, a surprised and sad look settled on my face. This was beginning to happen a lot.

  "Is that how it happened?" Liam asked after a few moments of silence. "Because then maybe we can find a way to help you two make up." He was very calming. Somehow his deep British voice made me believe that everything was going to be alright. Almost.

   "I don't know, it's just a sudden burst of anger and I feel numb, like I've been sedated." I saw Niall jerk his head up at what I was saying.
    It was quiet for a long time as I stood there, deflated with y arms slouched to my sides.

Then Niall spoke up. "I know what you feel like." This shocked me.
    "What?" I asked softly in surprise.
   "It's like everything ever made you anger boiled up inside of you and you can't control it. They're called anger attacks. I used to get them. We can talk later." He said to me.

  Then Zayn walked back in, thankfully without Calum. His face showed a sign of dread and fear and sadness.
   "Harry and Brinley were in a car crash."

A/N: 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏for dayyyysss okay byeeee🐠