Journeys(L.H)

Chapter 28

"Thank you! Have a nice day." A smiling lady at the front desk said as she handed me some paperwork to turn in a month after I was released. I hadn't been out of the hospital for months. I was finally getting out today.

I was nearly bouncing with excitement. Of course, I hadn't fully healed. I do have to come back for a check-up on my concussion, broken arm and broken rib. But I'm glad as hell that I'm not stuck in that room anymore. "Let's go Lou!" I urged him. He chuckled and walked very slowly. "I'm going to hit you with my cast." I threatened him. He smiled at me then began running all the way out to the parking garage.

I followed him, lagging behind. Halfway to our level, I was caught breathless. I couldn't breathe or move. I stooped over, hands on my knees and head down low. Louis didn't notice until he looked back to see me not chasing after him. He ran back very quickly though. "Are you okay?" He asked worriedly. I wheezed it a breath and clutched my stomach. My head pounded. "I'll carry you to the car." He offered before I could protest and tell him that I was fine and it was probably just me being out of shape. Or my broken rib. Or something else. But probably the first one.

My brother scooped me up bridal style and carried me all the way to the car. He was short, but very strong. I was only a bit shorter than him. I clung to him neck and tried squeezing my eyes shut to get the image of me collapsing and almost dying out of my head.
   Louis carefully placed my body down onto the passenger's seat. I rubbed my head. I winced when I tried to put my seatbelt on. It squeezed my abdomen and pinched my ribs. Since Louis and I were stuck in Dublin, we have to fly to Toronto for their show tonight. They have a day off and Louis flew out here to get me.
    Once my brother was in the drivers seat, he started the car and we drove to the hotel room near the hospital that Louis had gotten for the past day.

   Over the drive, it gave me lots of time to think. Being that close to death left an impact, an imprint on me. As I brushed the sides of another world where I was gone from the face of the Earth, it made me think. What if I hadn't survived? How big of an impact would I make? How big of a splash in the calm, serene lake of others would I make if I left? I can't help but think if I had a choice to either wake up or stay unconscious. I tried to think of all the people who would be let down and grieved by my death. I wish I could attend my own funeral, just to see that I'd actually done something in this world. That I'd changed something or someone for the better. But then again, who doesn't want to be someone who can revolutionize everything they touch? Right now, I'm feeling more lost than ever before. Even before my brother had become famous, before I even had a clue of what I wanted to do, I could tell that others had seen me. As a young person, I always wanted to stand out. I feel like I should do something. For everyone, including myself.

   I remember the time I read Connor Franta's book A Work in Progress. It had opened my eyes and showed that life doesn't wait for you to figure out what to do. I've always been the type to plan ahead and have everything ready to go. In school, is finished my homework before anyone else. I was prepared.
   But I could never be ready for a ripple in that lake of life that I can see off in the distance. I can't see it or identify it but I know it's there. And now that I've experienced what a gift being alive is, I'm not going to try and predict that ripple.
  I'm going to let it happen and I'm going to live through it.

  "Did you all asleep with your eyes open, Brin?" Louis joked, pulling me out of my sentimental daze.
   "No, just thinking and stuff." I peered out the window at the dreary Ireland day. Thankfully, he didn't pry. Louis could have a personality bigger than life sometimes, but he knows when to quit in sensitive situations.

   I let my mind wander to places that it shouldn't be. If I think and worry too much, bad things happen.

Suddenly I remember why I've been acting off lately. I mean, before the accident. The struggles with emotions, the difficulty to breathe when I get worked up.
   I've left my medication at home. I'd been getting so much better that I thought I didn't need them. But it's getting worse. It was two years ago, I didn't think I'd need it.

But now that Like had decided to some into my life and mess everything up that I'd built up after what happened. I'm so much better now, I can't let myself get this bad now. I'd have to go back to staying in bed all day with my thoughts and worries. I don't want to go back ignoring the outside world.
    I can't keep going like this. But I don't know how I'm going to get my pills now. Mum will slit my throat that I forgot them. She will have likely found them by now. She'll have my head when we get back and I'll cost them thousands at the doctor's.

I'm such a let down to everyone around me.

A/N: whoops new cliffhanger. HAHAHAHA that sucks for you guys. Okay byeeeeee👡