Journeys(L.H)

Chapter 33

     We arrived back at the trailer park and I felt a wave of nostalgia rush over me. It felt good to be back where I belonged, in the charged atmosphere and fresh air. I could see the large arena from where the buses were and it was huge. "How many people do you play a night?" I asked Niall.
   He shrugged. "Around 20,000 to 60,000." He said it as if he was saying that he just finished a book. Casually.

  Toronto, despite the chill in the air, was actually really pretty. I tried to fight off the dread of my mother coming by unpacking some things in the 5SOS bus. They hadn't touched h bed since it happened. They didn't touch my clothes or my things in the bathroom. Everything was just where I'd left it.
    "I have an idea!" Michael said loudly so that we could all hear him. "I've been thinking." He started.

"Well, that's dangerous, especially for Mikey." Calum muttered under his breath as he folded a pair of skinny jeans. I giggled and told Michael to go on.
   "We should watch a movie tonight!" He sounded so excited that he jumped around in the couch hooting and laughed.

I looked at the other boys, who were all amused by their band mate's behavior. "Sounds good?" I asked them. They all nodded and spoke murmurs of agreement.
We made our way into the Winnebago, where Michael was perched on his knees in front of the DVD player. "What should we watch?" Mikey asked excitedly like a little boy.

Luke settled down next to me on the couch with Calum next to him and Ashton next to Calum. I was at the at end. Ashton made room for Michael at his end. "Ooh! We have Camp Rock! I love that movie." Michael chattered to us.
"Yes please! Let's reminisce our childhoods." I protested against the rest of the boys' groans.

"Well, that's too bad. We're watching Camp Rock." Michael decided for us. I clapped and cheered.
He jumped onto the couch next to Ashton and clung to his side like a koala. I snuggled up into Luke's shoulder as the beginning music started with Demi Lovato waking up for school.

   We jammed out to some songs in the movie because we were all 90's kids and let's face it, the movies on Disney channel now are terrible. I fell sleepy halfway through the film and I let myself rest on Luke's shoulder. Under the blanket we shared, he grabbed my hand and drew circles in my palm.
    He leaned down and whispered in my ear. "Is this okay?" He sounded nervous or worried.
   "This is perfect." I responded back. Then, he wrapped his arm around my shoulders comfortably. I couldn't help but let a grin settle on my face.

But then I remember that in two hours, my mother is going to try to take me home. And she will probably succeed because my brother stabbed me in the back. I don't know why I bothered unpacking, I'll just have to pack it all back up anyways.
Then realized that I shouldn't be slug this. I shouldn't get close with the boys. I shouldn't let myself like Luke. I need to stop him from loving me.

I need him to move on and forget about me.

Luke's POV:
I can barely believe that she is this close to me. I could kiss her right now. I want to kiss her right now. But I shouldn't. No, I need approval from her brother at least. Then I need to find out if she likes me. Niall will probably help me.
God, she's just so perfect. Her hair, her eyes, the light freckles on her nose. The way she bites her lip when she's nervous and it drives me crazy. When she fiddles with her hair when she's bored. The way she touches her face and neck a lot when it gets awkward. The way her eyes droop when she gets tired. The tiny dimple on her left cheek. When her eyes light up if someone mentions her interests.

I don't see her with anyone else but me. I'm letting it fully consume me, letting myself fall further and further.
I can't help but wonder what will happen wen this tour ends. Will we keep in contact? Will she be my girlfriend by then? I probably won't have the balls to pull that off. I'd need help, definitely.

Niall told me to take it slow with her. Slowly, I put my arm around her shoulder. Slowly, I rub her palm. I slowly tell her subtly that I am in love with her.

I don't know when I realized that I love her. Maybe it was when she was in the hospital and the nurse told me they were going to giving up on her.

"I'm afraid that we can't do anything more to help her." The nurse said to me. She'd taken me out into the hall to talk. I'd been sitting in Brinley's room, trying to forget all the demons haunting me.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, confused. I was too clueless, too innocent to realize.
"She's getting worse by the day and our medication can't help her." The nurse placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. "We are planning on turning off the support machinery tomorrow at 8 pm."

I remember the sinking feeling I'd gotten. I remember the tears prickling my eyes and my throat closing up. I remember that I'd been carried out because I was too violent, clawing at the nurse and doctors. I remember being evacuated from the hospital and Calum walking with me at night back to the buses.

I remember that I would've done anything to save her at that point, even giving my own life, and I still would.
I love her and I can't do anything about it.

A/N: another day, another chapter full of fluff. Okay byeeee🍦