Remenissions (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 29

Lana's POV

I wished we could just stay like this forever. All of us, together, having fun, laughing, just us, I wanted it to be just us forever.

It was a fun day and it turned into a fun night. I was glad Marty stayed, she was one of us and it was fitting that she stayed with us. Unfortunately she didn't stay late and I walked her to the door, waving her off.

"See you at the church." She said hugging me.

I nodded, hugging her back. "Yeah I'll be the best man." And she left laughing, we would eternally laugh over the fact that I was best man.

I closed the door and headed back into the guys. They were sprawled all over the living room, drinking, talking and I looked at them smiling.

"I am going to head to bed." I announced. "Because I unlike you lot, have to get my hair done in the morning."

Matt jumped up, following me as I headed to the spare room that I was sleeping in. He followed me in and I turned to him, smiling. "I will see you in the morning." I said to him and he held out his arms.

I stepped into them, letting him hug me tightly. I wanted to cry, for the first time I felt like crying. This was all real, Matt was getting married tomorrow, it was really happening.

I buried my face in his chest, enjoying this closeness, savouring it, cherishing it and somehow I wished that we could stay like this forever. It was a childish wish, but it was what I wanted.

"Goodnight." I whispered, pulling back, looking at him.

"Goodnight." He murmured, kissing my nose.

I watched him turn and leave the room, closing the door behind him. I bit my lip, I wasn't going to cry, not now, not ever, I'd done my share of crying and my tears wouldn't change anything. Matt was getting married tomorrow.

I got ready and climbed into bed, closing my eye's and laying there. I couldn't sleep and the harder I tried to sleep, the more awake I was. I laid there listening to the noise of the house around me, the guys going to bed and I listened as the house became silent, everyone sleeping.

I turned onto my back and stared up at the ceiling. I guess I would just lay here all night, waiting for tomorrow to come and then once it was over I'd be okay, I'd be able to sleep.

I heard my door squeak open, then a voice and I smiled. "Lana, you awake?"

"Of course I am." I said softly and I heard the door close again, the sound of footsteps on the carpet, then the covers pull back as Matt climbed in bed next to me.

"I can't sleep." He whispered softly, making himself comfortable.

"I can't either." I murmured and he reached out, pulling me into his arms.

I snuggled up to him, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. "Why can't you sleep?" I whispered.

"I don't know." He murmured. "I just........" And his voice trailed off.

I wanted to ask what, I really did. Maybe he would say that he didn't want to marry her, that he wanted me, but then maybe he wouldn't and I didn't want to be disappointed again, I really didn't.

We got comfortable, him with his arms around me, me with my head on his chest and I laid there, listening to his heart beat, waiting for sleep to come.

"Oh god Lana." He suddenly whispered, his hand going to my hair, him kissing my forehead. "I'm getting married."

"You are." I murmured closing my eye's and saying nothing else.

What was left to say?

I laid there listening, listening to Matt drift off to sleep, listening to rhythm of his breathing and feeling a weight, a crushing weight descend on my chest.

I turned over, away from Matt and tried to concentrate on my breathing, my chest was so tight and it felt like someone was sitting on it. I closed my eye's, whispering to myself that everything was okay, that everything was fine, because everything was just fine, it really was.

Finally my chest loosened and I closed my eye's, drifting into a fitful sleep.

I woke up several times throughout the night, one time I woke myself up, reaching out for Matt, feeling for him, sleeping again once I'd found him, another time I woke up to Matt, holding me in his arm's, whispering quietly and each time I woke up I had the weight on my chest. I felt like I was drowning and this time nobody could save me.

"Sleep Lana." Matt murmured and I tried, I closed my eye's and tried. "Lana." He murmured. "Baby." And I grabbed his hand, holding on tightly. I would be okay if Matt didn't let go. I'd be okay if he held onto me and he did, he held onto me and sometime in the early hours of the morning I finally drifted off into a deep, settled sleep.

When I finally opened my eye's the sun was up but it felt early and I knew I'd barely gotten a few hours sleep. My head hurt, my chest hurt, all of me hurt.

I looked at Matt sleeping. He was on his side facing me, his arms still around me, he looked beautiful to me and once again I felt that pressure on my chest.

"Matt." I whispered, watching his face. "Matt."

"No." He murmured tightening his arms around me.

"Matt." I murmured. "We have to get up, we have so much to do."

"No Lana." He murmured again.

"Matt." I whispered, drinking in his face. "Matt, you're getting married today, we need to get up."

"Lana." He murmured, holding me close, entwining his legs with mine and putting his hand in my hair, holding me to his chest. "Let's just lay here for a little while longer."

I sighed and closed my eye's. Yes, I wanted to lay here for a little while longer.

Couldn't we just lay here forever?