Remenissions (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 35

Lana's POV

"Lana, it's me."

"Matt." I said sitting up. "How are you?" That was the dumbest thing I'd ever said. He just left his fiancé at the altar, how did I think he felt?

I was completely caught off guard because I was sound asleep and honestly, I didn't really know what to say.

"Yeah." He mumbled. "I just....I......can I come over?"

"Um yeah, of course you can." I told him. A far as I was concerned Matt was welcome anytime.

"Yeah look Lana." He said. "Do you mind if I just stay a couple of days, at your place? I just need to think, to sort my head out."

"Of course you can." I said softly, feeling my heart sink. There was no 'We need to talk' or no 'Lana I love you', he just needed to think.

"Great, I'll be there in a five minutes."

"Where are you?" I asked him, wondering where he'd been all day.

"I've just been down the beach." He said. "Anyway I'll see you soon." And he hung up.

I sat there for a moment, feeling a few different things. I was sad, sad for Matt, sad for me, I was excited that he was coming over, but most of all I was tired, I was tired of this whole mess. Do you realize how much energy it takes to love someone who doesn't love you back? I did and I was just so so tired of the whole thing.

I got up and went into the bathroom. I looked like a bag of crap but I didn't care, I didn't even have the energy to care anymore, so I just made my way back to the living room to wait, wait for Matt.

He can't have been far away because it honestly wasn't much longer than five minutes when the doorbell went. I got up, buzzing him in, then I opened the front door waiting for him to come up the stairs.

He came up carrying a bag and not smiling. Matt looked tired. He looked as tired as me.

"Hey." He said softly and I smiled tiredly at him.

"Hey."

I stepped back to let him in and he dropped his bag, sitting on the couch.

"Do you want anything, a drink?" I asked him quietly.

"Yeah." He said. "I wouldn't mind something to eat as well. I haven't eaten."

"I could order you a pizza?" I suggested and he nodded. I would order him pizza, I still had no appetite and I had no idea when it might come back.

"Yeah thanks Lana." He said and I went into the kitchen.

I didn't need to ask him what he wanted, I knew Matt so well, I knew what he liked.

I ordered then went back in and sat on the couch, handing Matt a soda.

"You okay?" I asked him softly.

He shrugged, looking at his hands. "Yeah I don't want to talk about it right now Lana." He muttered and I felt a little hurt.

"Um okay." I mumbled grabbing the television remote and turning it on.

We sat there in silence until the door buzzer alerted me that Matt's pizza had arrived, so I ran downstairs to get it. I placed it in front of him and sat back on the couch turning my attention back to the television.

"You having some?" He asked me softly and I shook my head. Just the smell was making my stomach turn. "Lana, have you eaten today?"

"I'm just not hungry today."

"Okay." He said. "So where's Nick?"

Fuck, Nick. I'd forgotten all about Nick. What sort of a girlfriend was I? Oh yeah that's right, I was the kind of girlfriend who was in love with another man.

"Oh he's at the reception, with Marty and Brian." I told him.

"You didn't go?" He asked.

I shook my head. "I didn't feel like it."

"You should have gone." He said, finishing the pizza and putting the box on the coffee table. "With Nick."

"I didn't feel like going okay!" I snapped. "I'm just tired."

He looked at me and nodded and I felt tears in my eyes and I quickly wiped them before they fell.

"Why didn't you say anything to me?" I asked. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Lana don't." He said standing up. "Let's not do this tonight. Tomorrow, tomorrow we can talk."

"Fine." I snapped, pissed off that he was avoiding this, avoiding me. I was supposed to be his best friend, but he didn't tell me he was leaving, no, he snapped at me, told me to fuck off and then told Brian. I was pissed and hurt.

"Look I'm going to go to bed okay." He said quietly, standing there. "Do you want me to sleep on the couch?"

I shook my head. "No, you can have my bed." I mumbled. We always shared a bed, as if I would make him sleep on the couch now.

"Are you coming?" He asked softly.

"Soon." I told him, turning back to the television. I just needed a bit of time.

"Don't be long." He murmured, turning and heading into the bedroom.

I sat there staring at the television while Matt got ready for bed, listening to him use the bathroom, until finally he went into the room, closing the door.

As soon as the door closed the tears started, I knew they would, they were never far away these day and after today I needed to cry. Today had been the most stressful, yet joyous day of my life. My feelings were so mixed and I was just so confused about everything, but fuck, I was so sick of crying, just so sick of the whole thing.

I wiped my face and picked up my phone texting Marty. I didn't tell her much, just that Matt was staying here, I mean what could I tell her, Matt had told me nothing anyway but I just wanted her to know that he was okay so she could at least tell the guys.

I would have to call Nick tomorrow, I guessed, let him know what was going on. Maybe I would stay at his house tomorrow night. I'd see how I felt tomorrow, maybe I'd feel better by then, maybe some miracle would happen and I'd wake up not being in love with Matt. Yeah right. If only life was that simple.

I got ready for bed, turning off the lights and opening the door softly. Matt had left the lamp on and I looked at him in the soft light. He was sleeping on his side and he looked so tired, but to me he looked so perfect and I felt my heart ache at the sight of him.

I walked over and turned the lamp off quietly, crawling into bed, getting comfortable.

It felt so good, to sleep in my bed. Last night I'd barely gotten any sleep and I'd been in Matt's bed, as comfortable as it was, it just wasn't my bed.

"Lana." Matt said softly and I jumped, I thought he was asleep. "Sleep, you're exhausted."

"I am." I said, turning away from him.

"You slept badly last night." He murmured. "We both did. Tonight we both deserve a good nights sleep."

"We do." I whispered and I closed my eye's. We did deserve sleep and maybe, maybe after a good nights sleep, everything might look a little better in the morning.

"I promise." He murmured, moving in the bed. "I promise I'll tell you everything in the morning Lana, everything."

I nodded, whispering softly. "Yeah." Then I closed my eye's, feeling his arm slip across my waist.

"Everything." He murmured.

I closed my eye's, I wanted to sleep and just as I started to drift off I felt Matt grab my hand, squeezing it gently.

"Sleep beautiful." He murmured.

And I did.