Remenissions (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 86

Martina's POV

"So." Brian said kissing me quickly. "I'll see you when you get down there."

I smiled. "Of course." And I watched him jog over to where Zack, Jimmy and Johnny were waiting.

I was pissed to be honest. They were spending the day down at the festival. They weren't playing until 9pm, yet they wanted to go down now. He could have spent the day with me or at least invited me, not that I would have gone, Florida's temperatures resembled hell and I didn't want to hang out in that all day.

"Huh." I said turning to Rachel. "Imagine that Matt isn't allowed to go with them." But even as I said it my words died in my throat as he stepped out of the elevator, joining the other's.

"Why wouldn't he be allowed to go?" Rachel asked frowning at me.

I waved my hand. "Never mind." I muttered. "Want to get a coffee before we head out?"

"Sure."

We headed over to the café that was in the hotel. We were heading out for another day of shopping, I was getting sick of shopping, but honestly there wasn't much else to do.

We ordered a coffee and I felt like something light so I ordered some toast as well. I hadn't been eating much lately, but lately I hadn't really been feeling myself.

"Oh." Rachel said and I looked at her. "We should ask Lana to come?"

I glanced over and saw Lana getting off the elevator. She got out, glancing around and she appeared to be dressed to go out and I hoped Rachel hadn't already invited her.

"She has plans." I said as the waitress put our coffees in front of us.

Rachel frowned at me but nodded. "Okay." She said softly.

I sat there, sipping my coffee and looking at Lana out of the corner my eye. She was standing there waiting for someone and occasionally glancing at her watch. She had on a dress and it looked quite cute. I could see her pregnant belly and I sighed. I wanted to touch her stomach so much, I'd seen other people do it, Matt especially, he always had his hands all over her, but I wanted to touch it, feel it, but I couldn't, I couldn't because I was a fucking idiot. She was supposed to be my best friend and I'd treated her badly, so badly that I would be surprised if she ever spoke to me again.

Rachel was waffling on about something but I was too busy watching Lana to pay attention. She stood there and then her face lit up with a smile and I looked over to see that Jenna girl walking towards her. She said something and then they hugged, Jenna bending down and saying something to Lana's stomach. What a bitch, who did she think she was? She acted like Lana was her best friend and they barely knew each other.

I sat there, feeling my anger boil. Anger at Jenna, anger at Lana for replacing me so easily and anger at myself for everything I'd put Lana through. I hated myself, I really did.

I gritted my teeth, watching them and I watched as they turned and headed for the door, Jenna hooking her arm through Lana's and I took a deep breath, calming myself. I followed their progress to the front door and just before they walked out I saw Lana reach up and tuck her hair behind her ears.

"What the fuck." I snapped.

"What?" Rachel asked, looking at me questioningly.

"Did you know Lana and Matt are engaged?" I snapped and she looked at me, shaking her head.

"No." She said. "They are?"

"Apparently." I snapped standing up. Great, my best friend was engaged and I didn't even fucking know.

"How do you know?" Rachel asked, standing up.

"Well gee." I snapped at her. "It might have been the giant fucking diamond ring she had on her finger that gave it away." And then I burst into tears. "That fucking bitch didn't even tell me."

Rachel looked shocked, I didn't blame her. Here we were, in the middle of a hotel with me crying my eye's out because my best friend, whom I treated like shit, didn't tell me she was getting married.

"Oh gosh Marty." Rachel said. "I'm sure she was going to."

"No she wasn't." I snapped. "Ugh, she has everything so fucking perfect." Now I was getting angry. "She's pregnant, she has a man who follows her everywhere and would do absolutely anything for her, and now." I raised my voice. "Now the bitch is getting married, I swear she's trying to out do me."

"Marty." Rachel said softly.

I put my hand up to silence her. "Leave it." I said. "Let's forget today, I'm not really in the mood today."

"Good idea." She agreed quietly, walking away.

I shook my head, going to the elevator and pushing the button, repeatedly, taking my anger out on it.

Lana was so fucking lucky, honestly. She had Matt, they were obviously getting married and he only had to look in her direction and she fell pregnant. It made me sick, Lana always had the all of the luck. Brian and I had been trying for months and I just could not fall pregnant, but Matt and Lana didn't even have to try.

I hated her, I thought as I let myself into the room, I hated her and her perfect fucking life and I wished something would come along and fuck it all up for them.

I sobbed loudly, I was so over it, over everything and I just wanted this tour to end so I could go home and never have to see Lana and her perfect fucking life again.

I laid on the bed and buried my face in the pillow. She was my best friend, well she was supposed to be, but I'd ruined it with my jealousy and as hard as I tried I just despised her every time I saw her, I really did.

I laid in that bed feeling sorry for myself all day and hating Lana, hating her so much.

How easily I'd forgotten, how easily I'd forgotten the hurt and the pain Lana had gone through to get where she was. I'd forgotten about her midnight dash to Big Bear, I'd forgotten about the pain she went through, watching the man she loved get engaged to someone else, I'd forgotten about how I watched her die a little more inside everyday, I'd forgotten that, I'd forgotten everything.

I hated myself, I really did. I just didn't know what to do about it. All I knew was that I wanted my best friend back.