Remenissions (Avenged Sevenfold)

Chapter 8

Martina's POV

I didn't know what to do with myself. I'd been with Brian for so long that I just didn't know what to do without him. I did not know how to be single. What did single people do? Where did they go? What did they do with their spare time? I had no fucking idea, and honestly I didn't care. I didn't want to be single, I hadn't asked to be single, but here I was, alone and it hurt, so much.

I spent the first day in bed, just crying. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I just cried and cried and cried. The second day I got up and ate, then vomited everywhere. I called work, told them I wouldn't be in this week or next week, I needed time, this was going to take time, actually it was going to take forever, I was never going to get over Brian.

On Wednesday I got out of bed, I showered and I packed my bag. I needed to go away and I knew the perfect place. I hadn't been there for a few years, but it was perfect, out of the way and more importantly I'd be alone and I would be left alone.

I had trouble driving, I just couldn't concentrate so what normally was a two hour trip turned into a four hour trip, but once I arrived and got out of the car, looking around, I knew I'd made the right decision, this was the perfect place. My Grandpa's cabin at Big Bear.

I let myself into the cabin, I hadn't been here for a long time but everything was the same. It was only a little two bedroom cabin but my parents had one of the local girls come up and clean it once a month, so to me it looked lived in, even though none of us had been up here for years.

I unpacked the car, put away the food I brought, not that I was sure why I brought food, I didn't think I'd be eating anything. Once I was done I grabbed a drink and went and sat on the porch and I cried. It was mid-week so basically no one was around, no one would here me cry, so I sat here and cried

I went inside after dark and attempted to eat, but I threw up again so after that I just crawled into bed. I didn't think I would sleep, I hadn't since all of this had happened, but the sounds of nature, the quiet, lulled me away and I opened my eye's when the sun was rising the next morning.

I climbed out of bed and made a coffee, drinking it on the porch. It was so peaceful, so beautiful, so quiet, I knew I'd made the right decision coming here, maybe after a week here I might feel good enough to go home, but I would see how it goes. If I had to stay here for a month I would.

I spent the next few days taking walks, reading, thinking, healing. I was trying to heal but I knew it was going take a long time, perhaps forever. I thought Brian and I would grow old together, how wrong I was.

Friday afternoon I finally turned my phone on and I had a lot of missed calls but I didn't feel like talking to anyone yet. Tomorrow, I'd call them back tomorrow.

I went for another walk then ate a light dinner, pleased that I was able to keep food down. I was setting a nice routine and due to the lack of technology up here, each night I was in bed by 8.30 and the sounds lulled me to sleep.

A noise woke me at some time through the night and it took me a minute to realise what it was, it was my phone and it sounded so strange here in the silence.

I reached over, grabbing it. "Hello." I mumbled.

"Marty." Lana shrieked. "Where the fuck have you been, everyone has been looking for you?"

"Well......." I started, but she cut me off.

"We're all so fucking worried, you just left, I didn't know what had happened." She went on. "And you didn't even tell me, you did not tell me Marty, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well......." I said but once again she cut me off.

"Where are you? I'm coming to get you, see you, hang out, whatever. I'm your friend Marty, let me be there for you." She said. "Now where are you?"

"Are you done?" I asked her, smiling because it was nice she was so concerned.

"Yes, yes I am." She said softly.

"Okay, I didn't tell you Lana because I didn't know what to do." I told her quietly. "I've just been trying to deal with this myself and I wasn't doing so well at home so I decided to come up to Grandpa's cabin."

"You're up at Big Bear?" She asked.

"I am, just relaxing, trying to get a grip on my life."

"Oh Marty." She said so softly I barely heard. "I'm coming up, to stay, to keep you keep you company."

"It's fine Lana, I'm okay." I reassured her.

"No, I am, I'm leaving now Marty, you're not doing this alone." She insisted and I smiled to myself.

"Lana it's nearly One o'clock in the morning."

"So." She said. "Let me throw a few things together and then I'll leave."

"Okay." I said softly. I was glad Lana was coming, I was glad I would have a friend here, glad that she was willing to be here for me. "What about your work?"

"Fuck them, they owe me time." She snapped and I laughed, Lana hated her job, I was surprised she'd never quit. "So I'll see you soon okay Marty?"

"Okay Lana." I smiled. "See you soon."

I hung up and climbed out of bed, checking the second room, making sure it was already for a guest. I was glad Lana was coming, it would be nice to have company, someone to talk to, someone to take on my walk's, someone who was just there. I was looking forward to it.

Lana was always so selfless, especially when it came to her friends, we were a very lucky bunch of people to have her in our lives and I hoped one day she'd fine someone who loved her because she deserved that and whoever it was, was going to be the luckiest guy on earth.

I burst into tears. Thinking about Lana finding love had made me sad, because I was never going to find love, I'd found love and he'd left me. I would never love anyone else. Brian was it, he was the one.