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One Hundred Thousand Miles Plus (DAN): ©Skiller0Dani

Double update yaaaay!! ☻☻☻

This is kind of a letter. This isn't a fanfiction, this is from me to Dan. 

I love you Dan. 

Song: Arms by Christina Perri 

Listen to the song whilst reading please. 

~DaNi

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If I could say anything to Dan it would be thank you. I would say thank you because he has put up with me since day one. No matter how annoying, aggravating, or just completely unbelievable I got, he never once gave up on me. He dug, chiseled, clawed, and drilled his way through my shell right to my heart. He kicked down my walls, and caught me every single time I fell. He never let me down, he never let me hurt. He was gentle and sweet and patient, and I don't deserve him in the slightest. I could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve that boy. 

I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start  

I remember the first time I ever saw him smile. It was so bright, and full of life and it seemed to melt the ice cold block of fear I felt in my heart. He has done everything he could to make sure I was comfortable and happy and he has never let me down. 

You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go
You put your arms around me and I'm home  

He has had to put up with a lot from me. I would let him in, and then I would get afraid, and push him away. I spent so many nights crying because I loved him and I hated me. It made me afraid. Loving somebody, and to have them love me back was something unfamiliar to me. I was afraid he'd change his mind and leave. I was afraid I wouldn't be enough and I'd only end up hurt. I was afraid the jump of falling in love with him was far to big of a risk for me to take. 

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life or if I'll drown  

And somehow he knew that. This, this is what makes him amazing. That somehow, even though I pushed him away and rebuilt my walls, and remade the cement blocking me from him. He still knew that I was afraid, and he knew why. I don't know how he knew, but he fucking knew. He pressed and pushed and worked his way right back to me, over and over again. Even if I shut him out, and I'll never know why, I still don't. 

I hope that you see right through my walls
I hope that you catch me 'cause I'm already falling
I'll never let our love get so close
You put your arms around me and I'm home  

Too many nights I spent sitting on the floor, back pressed against the bathroom door. With Dan right outside, pleading I turn the lock, begging for me to listen. With him telling me he loves me, how he's always loved me, how he will always love me. But I can't ever turn that lock, because turning it would mean letting him in. And letting him in means not being afraid, and I'll always be afraid, afraid keeps me breathing. 

The world is coming down on me and I can't find a reason to be loved
I never wanna leave you but I can't make you bleed if I'm alone
You put your arms around me
And I believe that it's easier for you to let me go... 

But slowly, tediously, he showed me how. He showed me how to turn the lock and let him in. He taught me how to love not him, but he taught me how to love myself and I'm still learning. He wrapped me up in his arms and wiped away my tears. So if I could say anything to Dan it would definitely be thank you. I would thank him for teaching me how to laugh, how to love, and how to let myself be loved. I would thank him for wiping away my tears and for holding me up when I was too weak to stand on my own. I would thank him for teaching me how to wipe away my own tears, and I would thank him for teaching me how to let someone else wipe them away too. I would thank him for giving me the chance to love him. 

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth
And I've never opened up
I've never truly loved 'til you put your arms around me  

I never quite believed in love for me personally, but Dan made me a believer. If I could ever tell him any of this I would. A thousand miles plus stand between me and him, and yet he still always managed to do all of this for me. I don't know where I would be without him. Right when I thought my book was ending, he gave me a hundred blank pages to fill. I have many more chapters to go, and I can promise you something, Dan will be in every single one of them. 

You put your arms around me and I'm home  

~Danisnotonfire~
That channel is where I feel truly, at home.