Male YouTuber Imagines

Unsure (JASPAR): ©Skiller0Dani

THIS ONE IS A LONG TIME COMING. I FINALLY FOUND THE JASPAR FIC IN MY COMPUTER. It's Part 2 to "Say I Love You" :) Hope you guys like it, sorry it took so long. xx~

Song: Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson

2/3

~DaNi

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Joe stood nervously in the doorway, a certain feeling of nausea twisting in his gut. 

"I have to tell you something." Joe remembers Caspar telling him, and he knows nothing good could come from hearing words spoken in such a state of panic. 

"O-Okay." Joe said, his feet firmly planted onto the wood in Caspar's doorway. He remained stilled, intent on not moving a single inch. 

"Well um, I-" Caspar began, being cut off by the thick lump in his throat. There was no way he was going to be able to say this. Joe looked over him, bracing for every worst thing he could  hear. I don't want to live with you anymore. I'm sick and have only a few months to live. I'm moving back to South Africa to be with my family. I want to live with Josh instead of you. But none of these things came, just more silence. 

"Well I love you." Caspar finally said, the air becoming suddenly stuffier. 

"Yeah..?" Joe replied, the statement not registering in his mind. Caspar sat looking at him, with blood in his cheeks as he cleared his throat. 

"No, Joe. I love you." Caspar said again, more obvious than before. Joe felt his heart drop to the souls of his feet as he finally understood what Caspar meant. He found it difficult to look into Caspar's eyes, so he trailed his eyes to a scoffed and worn part of the wooden floor. Joe wasn't quite sure how he felt about Caspar. It had been an endless civil war in Joe's mind, and frankly a tender subject for him to even think about. Joe, in this moment, only felt confused. He didn't jump for joy, but he wasn't entirely disappointed and he didn't know what this mixture meant in his heart. War waged on, and Joe silently fought a battle in his mind, and he wasn't even sure which side he was fighting for. The side that says he loves Caspar, or the side that says he doesn't. 

"Joe..." Caspar says, his voice trembling as he can see the shift in Joe. He just messed things up between them and he knows it. Caspar tries to hang on to what Oli said, that Joe would get over it. He really tried to believe in his heart that him and Joe could bounce back from this with a laugh. But the longer Joe kept his eyes fixed on the wooden floors, the more that seemed like a faraway dream. Joe finally found his voice as he swallowed a dry lump in his throat as he finally looked at Caspar. 

"Oh." Joe said simply, unsure of what else there was to be said. 

"Well are you okay?" Caspar asks Joe as he nervously bites at the skin by his thumbnail. 

"I think so." Joe said casually even though he still felt panic in his chest. 

"Okay." Caspar said simply, knowing that Joe wasn't as okay as he was letting on. 

"I'm going to go put my things away." Joe told Caspar, exiting his room and entering his own. Joe softly shut the door and leaned his body against it, his back resting against the smooth wood. Joe was at this point, down right terrified. This could be oh so right, or so very wrong. The part that made it worse was that Joe couldn't control which would happen. Whether him and Caspar would be happy in the end, or if they would be far far worse than they are now. Joe knew that he could never be what Caspar needed, he just wasn't enough. They would end up hurting each other, because Caspar would inevitably cheat. He just would, because Joe knew he wasn't enough. He slid down the door, resting his head back as tears welled in his eyes. 

Caspar stood, dumbfounded in his room, unsure of what Joe's reaction meant. He didn't know if he should take that as a good reaction, or a bad one. He wanted to know what was going on in Joe's mind, what Joe was thinking at this very moment. Caspar wanted to claw his hair out, frustrated that he felt so helpless, that he didn't know what to do. Hell, he didn't even know if he broke them, or if he brought them closer together. He was unsure of everything and he hated it! He wanted to just know how Joe was feeling, he needed to know. He slumped onto his bed, listening for any noise coming from Joe's room. On a normal day Caspar can usually hear Joe shuffling or moving about his room, but not today. Today, Joe didn't move. Caspar laid back on his bed, ripping at the roots of his hair as tears welled in his eyes. 

Joe finally lifted his head from his knee's, his back cramping from having sat on the floor. He let out a deep sigh, still unsure of what he was going to do. He stood, moving to his bed, simply staring down at it before he noticed how dark it was outside. He must have fallen asleep without realizing it. Joe straightened his back as he let out an aggravated sigh. He turned out of his room and straight to Caspar's. He didn't even knock as he swung the door open to reveal Caspar leaning against his bed frame. 

"Can't sleep?" Caspar asks, trying to sound casual but feeling completely panicked at by the fact that Joe is stood in his room. Joe let out a yawn as he tugged his shirt over his head, causing Caspar's eyes to widen when Joe pulled his sweatpants off as well. Joe moved to Caspar's bed, wearing nothing but cotton boxer briefs as he pulled the covers back. Caspar shuffled over, allowing Joe room to slip into the bed beside him. Joe instantly rested his head on Caspar's shoulder and Caspar pulled him close without questioning him. 

"Joe, what are you doing?" Caspar asked after a few minutes of silence. 

"Going to bed." Joe replied. 

"I mean-" Caspar began. 

"I know what you mean, and honestly? I don't know what I'm doing. I guess listening to what my gut is telling me." Joe said, cutting Caspar off and leaving them in silence. Caspar let out a smile that Joe listened to his gut, and that Joe's gut told him to be here with Caspar. 

"Joe, I love you." Caspar said without thinking, causing Joe to shudder. 

"One thing at a time okay? Let me sleep." Joe said softly letting his eyes fall shut, and Caspar's eyes closing soon after.