Male YouTuber Imagines

Stay High (DAN): ©Skiller0Dani

Lots of Dan Imagines. Sorry. I love him so much it hurts me. 

SongFic (Kind of) for you like usual. 

Song: Habits by Tove Lo

Please listen to song whilst reading 

Thanks~~ ♥♥☻

~DaNi 

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[re • clu • sive
avoiding the company of other people; solitary.] 

Phil brought out a pen and paper, quickly scribbling the last important page of their new book. A page Dan didn't know was going to be in the book, but it was the most valuable page. It was time their viewers knew what Dan fought so desperately hard to keep a secret. The reason for how strangely vague Dan is about his early years in YouTube. The reason they don't know anything besides what they saw in his videos. The reason Dan's smiles will never be 100% genuine again. Why his happiness always feels a little forced, for him and for everyone around him. 

It's time that they knew the truth. It was simply titled; Sophie. 

'There's a reason for the all black. The dark clothes, the reclusive behavior, being antisocial. He wasn't always like that. In fact he was quite the opposite, he enjoyed talking to other people and being in the company of his friends. He liked people, and he liked conversing with them due to his love of words. He would frequently go out and do things with his friends and be social. He wore brighter colors and he kind of was like a bright burning ray of sunshine that broke through the rain clouds on a stormy day. He had that sort of effect on people, where if he was happy, his happiness spread like an infection to other people, and made them happy too. He was very infectious. Sometimes I miss the Dan that he used to be. He isn't the same person anymore. All his brighter colors have been given away or burned, and that happiness has long since died. Dan was born with a burning fire in him that life was quick to stamp out.  And all of this was because of one thing, all because of one person. 
Her name was Sophie. 
I didn't get the  chance to know her, but the way Dan used to talk about her. Yeah, he used to speak very fondly of her, he cared for her deeply. He told me that she was beautiful, smart, and kind. He told me that she didn't like tea and that she preferred coffee. He told me that she would tie her left shoe laces first even though she was right handed. He told me her favorite color was sunset orange and her favorite movie was Lord of the Rings. I wish I could have known her. I wish life didn't have to steal her away. I wish for a lot of things, but if I could have one wish to spend, I'd spend it on her, for Dan. He loved her. I mean he never said directly, but he didn't have to tell me for me to know that he did. 
All these years that Dan has been on YouTube he's told you guys everything, except for this. This is Dan's secret, Sophie is Dan's biggest secret. She is a burden he constantly carries, all the time. I would take it all away if I could, but I can't, and it makes me feel helpless. Dan is my best friend, and the best friend I could ever ask for and I can't help him. It's infuriating!  
Dan may be convinced what happened to Sophie is his fault, but the way his mum told me the story it definitely wasn't Dan's fault, only a tragic accident. I would let Dan tell you himself, but I know if it were up to him he'd push it down and bury it under excessive amounts of alcohol to forget it ever happened. It's time you guys finally know, and it must be me who tells you. She's the reason that Dan left his home of Wokingham (A/N: I'm fairly certain that's where Dan is from.) and went across the whole country to Manchester. He tried running from the memory, and I think he's still running. Almost 7 years later, and he is still running from it. 
It's time for the story, but first one thing. When you guys find out, you have to be careful with him, this is a very very tender subject with him, but me and his whole family have decided it's time for Dan to stop running and deal with it. 
Dan and Sophie were friends, at first. They were best friends, from the moment she moved in across the street. They were little when they met and they grew up together, Dan slowly but surely falling more and more in love with her with each passing year. 'It was beautiful to see Dan so happy and in love' as his mum described. It was rare, it's always been hard, since the beginning, for Dan to love anything, and nobody knows why. That's just the way he is I suppose. But man did he fall for Sophie, and I hear she was perfect for him. She was the fire in him. She was the ray of sunlight breaking through his storm clouds. She was the embodiment of his happiness. But then it happened. The night they stargazed in the front lawn, laughing with alcohol in their veins as they had just a little to much to drink this particular July night. Dan sat in the grass as he watched her stand up and drunkenly dance to the imaginary music in her mind. She was laughing and stumbling and happy. For an instant Dan thought he heard his mum and turned his attention away from Sophie to look. He only turned away for a second, but a second was all it took. He heard the screeching of tire against asphalt and a loud blare of a frantic horn. Dan turned in horror, to see her laying dead underneath the car. 
It only took a second.
She didn't even have a chance. 
And I wish I could say I was lying and this was all part of Dan's 'tragic backstory', but I'm not. This all really happened.
Dan could barely hold himself together, so there were a few months in his YouTube he didn't make videos because of this. He spiraled downward instantly, losing that happy person, eventually moving away from his home and in Manchester with me. He didn't even go to her funeral, he refuses to deal with her death. He'd much rather act as if she never existed in his life at all. He took a year off Uni, and planned on going back. But with all the work involved with being a lawyer, and her death, the stress was just too much and Dan dropped out. This has always been hard for Dan, I mean he's never even seen her gravestone. 

And now you know. You know everything. The reason for the dark clothes, the reclusive behavior, and why he's antisocial. You know the reason why he keeps his friends limited and why its near impossible for him to really care about anyone. So please, for me and for him, be kind and be patient. 

I want to help him you guys, and I think this is the only way I can.

~Phil' 

Phil opened to the hidden printed page with the big black letters spelling 'Sophie' at the top of the page. He swallowed a large lump in his throat as he cleared his voice. He took a deep breath, trying to steel his courage as he called out Dan's name in a weary voice. The soft sound of nearing footsteps caused great lurches of anxiety through Phil as Dan drew nearer. Phil's door swings open and Dan remains in the doorway, smiling slightly, but it quickly fades as he see's Phil. 

"Phil? What's wrong? Are you okay?" Dan asks worried, approaching Phil, whose sitting on the bed. Phil quickly holds up his hands, signaling for Dan to stop. After Dan has come to a halt, Phil scoops up the book, still open, and presses the pages to his chest so Dan can only see the front and back cover. 

"Dan, please when I show you this, please don't be angry with me. I only want to help." Phil pleads, causing Dan to furrow his eyebrows. 

"What part of the book could make me angry?" Dan questioned with a laugh. 

"I wrote a secret page. I didn't even tell you about it." Phil says seriously and the smile fades form Dan's face. Phil motions for Dan to sit down and, very hesitantly Dan sits. Anxiety runs like ice through Dan's veins at how serious Phil is behaving. Phil is normally very light hearted so this is extremely worrying for Phil to be so serious. Phil cautiously lowers the book to Dan's lap, and watches as Dan's face goes from worried to horrified in seconds. Dan shoves the book from his lap and stands, heading for the door when Phil speaks. 

"Dan wait! Please just read it." he begs and Dan turns with such a dark expression on his face Phil feels slightly afraid Dan would never forgive him for this. 

"Please tell me you didn't do what I am so afraid you did." Dan says lowly with an unsteady voice and Phil gulps. 

"I told them." He says firmly and Dan's faces pales significantly. 

"..no..tell me you didn't." Dan murmurers, panic taking over. What will they think? 

"Dan please just listen to me-" Phil begins but Dan heavily sits on the bed, resting his head in his hands. 

"Please read it." Phil asks him sincerely, and Dan looks up at him through watery brown eyes and just nods, taking the book in his lap again. Dan closes the book but keeps it clutched tightly in his hands as the sound of tear drops fall onto the hard cover. He keeps his eyes pointed downward towards the floor.

"Phil.." He says in a weak voice. 

***

"Phil I-I don't know if I can do this." Dan says frantically, staying stood firmly beside his mother, not even looking in her gravestones direction. 

"You have to do this. You can't keep running away from it. You have to deal with it, you have to go out and live your life again Dan." Phil says and Ms. Howell runs her hand up and down Dan's back. Dan let out a choppy breath as he bit his bottom lip, as if attempting to will the tears away. He wavers a bit before stepping away from his mother's grasp and down the long line of gravestones. Phil and Ms. Howell watch nervously from the car, letting him do this alone. He finally turns to her gravestone, stopping in front of it, his head drops and his body begins to shake. After 7 long years, here he is, allowing himself to feel the pain and the weight of her loss, for the first time. He collapses in front of her gravestone, his fists holding him upright. His mother moves to go to him but Phil stops her, despite wanting to run to Dan himself. Dan, through his relentless tears, digs out some soil, filling the hole with a beautiful white rose as he stands. He uses his sleeve to wipe away the tears and as he approaches the car, Phil see's him smiling, actually smiling a real smile for the first time in a long time. The world around them begins to brighten as the sun shines, as if Sophie herself, has broken through the clouds, as a beautiful bright ray of sunlight. 

And for once, for Dan, things finally feel okay.