Kidnapped by Kylo Ren (Star Wars)

Chapter Fifty-Seven

That is what I believe happened to Kylo Ren's soul.

He is purely a dark design of what he once used to be.

_____

I looked down at the broken man below me. My heart beat purely with worry for him. His eyes were squinted, his lower lip puckered and quivering, and a second tear falling from his eye. 

"Kylo Ren?" I whispered. My voice was incredibly shaky. I shook my head slightly, trying to gain some of the confidence that was necessary if I wanted to comfort him. 

His rose, plush lips parted ever so slightly and I watched them form words, but I couldn't hear what he was trying to convey to me. 

I bent over so I was inches from him. My hair fell into his face. Kylo Ren took no notice of my close proximity. "What is it?" I asked. My voice continuously trembled and I could sense tears beginning to arise from within me. I took a weak breath and looked him up and down. 

He was drenched in sweat. His breaths were heavy and troubled. 

After several minutes, his eyes relaxed until they were only gently closed and his breath slowed to a steady tempo. 

Then he opened his eyelids and revealed his somber, dark, beige eyes to me. His eyes were bloodshot from his tears. He had dark, ominous black bags circling underneath his eyes. 

"I am sorry." He breathed out, looking me straight in the eyes. I felt tingling deep down because even in the intensity of the moment I still felt so much attraction towards him. 

"It's okay." I reassured him, praying that he wouldn't have another break down. 

"It's not okay, Nira." Kylo Ren shut his eyes again and shook his head, "It's not."

I was sure that I was no longer going to cry. I frowned. "What do you mean, exactly?" I asked. In order to adequately respond to what Kylo Ren was saying I had to know exactly what he meant. 

"I always -- " He glanced towards the ceiling, and looked back at me, "I always lose my temper around you. I always get angry with you."

Kylo Ren sat up. "I always have to gain my control at the last second! Why don't I have control over myself? I am so much better than this." He spat bitterly. 

"I put you in danger, Nira, and you're one of the only people I've ever cared about. Why do I do that to you? To myself? What is wrong with me?!" He exclaimed with a crazed look in his eye. 

I knew I had to be cautious of what I said. "It's okay. I'm not upset with you. I care about you, too." I slowly spoke. 

Kylo Ren grabbed at his dark locks furiously and moaned, "I'm never going to forgive myself." He released his hair and grabbed me by the shoulders. "Why do I keep doing this to you? You don't deserve it!" 

"Kylo Ren. It's okay. I promise." I assured him. He took a deep breath and released me. The lasting imprint of his hands on me gave me the most pleasuring chills even though the atmospheric aura was depressed.

Kylo Ren slumped forward. He stared blankly at his hands, which lay haphazardly on his lap. "All I want is for you to trust me." He admitted in a voice that lacked all emotion. 

It was difficult to process all of the emotion that was coming forward -- through what he said, not through how he expressed it. I could tell how much he truly liked me in that moment. The levels of his affection for me were prominent in his words. 

"You're never going to trust me. You're always going to be cautious around me because you're scared of my temper. I can't control my temper and you are scared of me." He realized with horror. Kylo Ren looked up at me and, for the first (and last) time ever, I saw fear in his eyes. Cold, hard, desperate fear was showing in the eyes of Kylo Ren.