Kidnapped by Kylo Ren (Star Wars)

Chapter Seventy

(Author's Note: This chapter is in Kylo Ren's point of view.)

My feet were glued to the ground for several moments as I thought about what had just happened. 

As I stood there, blank-faced and unable to move, I came to the realization that I might have just possibly ended things with Nira. I had rejected her. 

Why did I reject her?!

Because you can't love her. You can't! You will put her in danger!

But you want to love her! Go love her!

I then took off towards the door and burst into the hallway. Nira was only a short distance ahead of me -- she was still in my sight. I relentlessly chased after her, determined not to let her get away. 

I caught up to her quickly. My heart thudded in my chest with anxiety and regret. I couldn't take back what I had just done, but hopefully I would be able to mend the damage.

I gripped onto one of her forearms when I had completely caught up to her. Nira jumped and turned around. Tear trails streaked her cheeks, her eyes were puffy and red, and her lower lip quivered. She looked . . . Sad. 

Without one word towards me, Nira turned the opposite way and attempted to yank her arm out of my grip. I tightened my hold on her, unwilling to let go. If I let go, that would have meant that I'd given up. My stomach felt like it was free-falling. I was horrified by the fact that I may have just ruined everything. 

"Nira, we need to talk!" I desperately exclaimed, gently tugging on her arm. She turned her head back to look at me. Nira now did not look sad, but rather disgusted by me. She didn't reply to me, but only pulled harder away.

"Please talk to me!" I begged in a whimpering tone. I hated how weakly I was presenting myself, but that's what I was when it came to Nira Leven -- weak. 

"Let go of me." She muttered through gritted teeth, glancing down at my hand that so fearfully held onto her. I watched another tear fall out of her eye and rapidly cascade down her cheek. 

When I didn't immediately comply to her demands, I watched her wind up and prepare to strike me. I could've easily prevented the blow, but I didn't. For some impulsive reasoning, I allowed it to happen. 

Nira's flat palm made sharp contact with my cheek. It stung immediately.

I have done good with her training, I bitterly noted.

I recoiled away from her after she smacked me and slowly released her from my grasp. Nira then turned and wordlessly marched away from me. 

I watched her briskly continue down the hallway until she disappeared into a transporter. She didn't look back at me once. 

*****

A few weeks had passed since the falling out. 

I had rarely seen Nira since then. I have been too afraid to confront her, or even see her -- too fearful of another rejection. 

I had merely busied myself by investing further into my role in The First Order by helping out more in the control rooms, attending and participating in more conferences than usual, and even creating a new law that prohibits excessive use of the transporters. I had even rescheduled my lunch hours specifically so I wouldn't have to face her.

I'd kept my agenda so rigid and busy in attempts to keep my mind off of the one thing that it desired to think about. Every time my mental barriers fell down and I allowed the thoughts centered around the woman I loved to creep into my mind, I would come extremely near a mental break down in public. My heart was crushed by regret, sorrow, and hopelessness; these were three emotions that were very difficult to hold back and hide regardless of where I was.