professional (a.t.) (✔️)

20.

~

After Abel Leaves...(Sunday, September 21st)

Aaliyah's POV

Tears stream down my face effortlessly. Everything that's happened in the past twenty-four hours has been my fault, and I've caused Abel and I so much pain. Funny thing is that he's supposed to be the one hurt and confused, but right now, I'm feeling like that.

Why did I have to go and do that with Bryce? He was making himself irresistible, and he knows that I'm so unrestraint to touch. It's so hard being torn between two people. It's like you can never be with one person without hurting the other.

All the words he's said to me today has me feeling horrible. In his mind, I'm probably lower than the status of a lowlife. It's like I've stooped down so low that I'm on Valerie's level. I'd never want to be compared to someone who broke his heart, even though that's how he's probably feeling right now.

I don't know what to do now. I feel too much for him to just walk away, but then again, there's Bryce. I also want Bryce so bad, but how am I supposed to balance this out? Deep in my mind, I know I can't have both Abel and him, but I want them both.

Sooner or later, I know I'm going to have to choose between one of them. It's the last thing I want to do, but one day, I will have to.

Back on the topic of Abel, I don't even know where we stand now. He said he doesn't want anything to do with me, and I can't blame him. But, I'm his assistant manager! I'm supposed to be accompanying him and Cash on tour, but I don't even think he wants me near him.

I want to do everything I can to get Abel back. As much as I want to hate him for all those hurtful words he just said to me, I can't do it, since that was all my fault. I'm not going to let him just leave me; I have to go on that tour, even if he doesn't want me to. At the end of the day, it's still my job. If I have to, I'll keep things as professional as possible.

But, the thing is, I don't just want to be another professional to him. I want to be there for him and not cause him any pain. I can't just accept that he doesn't want anything to do with me; I'm not just going to accept being his acquaintance.

All I know is that I need to get Abel back. As much as I hate admitting it, I need him in my life.

~

Two Days Later...(Tuesday, September 23rd)

I lay down on my bed, drinking vodka straight out the bottle and watching "South Park." When Abel and I were together, we'd always watch this. We'd always laugh together, and now, the only company I have is this near-empty bottle.

I'm still crying at the fact that I fucked this whole situation up. I feel like such a fucking stupid failure and that Abel's not going to take me back anytime soon. I hate playing with people's feelings, and yet, I just ended up playing with his. Now, I'm paying for my sins through this hurt.

Isn't it funny that we take for granted what we have? And that we don't realize how much we need something until we lose it? I didn't realize how much I'd miss Abel's stupid, dirty jokes, corny pick-up lines, and good morning texts. I didn't even think that I'd care for those pointless, unwanted touches of his, but here I am, craving them badly.