professional (a.t.) (✔️)

27.

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The Morning...(Saturday, October 31st, 2014)

Abel's POV

Aaliyah and I are a little dysfunctional, don't you think?

One, we don't even know what we are. We'd always act like we're in a relationship, but never put a label on it. I guess we're not on that level yet.

Two, we both weren't ready for any type of commitment. It's obvious that she's still feeling that other nigga Lice and can't make a decision. Meanwhile, I still don't want to be monogamous; it's tiring just continuously fucking one person.

Three, I'm too immature for us. I still like to run away from problems and get numb, thinking that they'll just go away. I still fuck around with girls and leave them heart-broken or lonely. Reason number three applies particularly to what I just did.

Instead of facing my problems, I got faded and cheated on Liyah.

This morning, at around a quarter to seven, I woke up with a severe, pounding headache and a random girl next to me. All I remember about her was that her name was Diana and she was very skilled in bed. I had gotten her number. I also realized how bad I felt about this when I woke up.

I mean, we're not even in a relationship, so technically I can sleep around with who I want. But we all know that it's not that simple. I know that I fucked up and Liyah is going to be broken, just like she was the last time. This'll probably give her a reason to run in to Lice's arms.

 However, I decided one thing. In order to not break her heart, I would just have to lie about this. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I know I'd still end up feeling awful about this, but I'd rather lie than hurt her.

It's now about 10:30AM and I'm just pulling up at our loft since last night. Well, it's technically not our loft, but we act like we share a place. It's kind of like our relationship; we didn't put quite a label on it yet. I'm hoping Liyah's in here waiting for me.

When I walk up to my room, I hear her light breathing. Her eyes are closed and she's sleeping, but she looks like an angel in distress, if that makes any sense. It's like she looks peaceful, but with an inner trouble. I place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

I decide to head in to the shower to wash the perfume smell and lipstick stains off of me. The worse thing that would happen right now if I get caught in this lie.

Getting out the shower at around 11AM, I hear the TV is on. This makes me assume Liyah is up.

Truthfully, I'm not ready to face her. I feel ashamed but also upset with her. I mean, I know we're not in a relationship, but I thought we'd still only have feelings for each other. 

She has feelings for both Lice and I, and this is making me feel like I'm not enough for her. Yesterday, she acted like she didn't even care about how I felt. She probably has even hooked up with him a few times behind my back.

I mean, I know I went and cheated on her, but it was meaningless. The fact that she has feelings for someone else hurts me and makes me feel like I'm not doing enough. I'd rather her cheat on me with a random person than with the same person over again; it makes me feel like I don't mean enough to her.