I really don't want a cesarean but if it's what's best for the babies I'll have it.
I've got 1 hour until I have the cesarean. Liz is sat with me in the hospital.
"Yep Megan said she's going to get the first flight back but I told her not to worry because I'm here and the rest of us."
Megan went to go see Michael on his tour because she's only seen him once since the tour started.
"Are you ready Matilda?" The nurse asked.
"Yep." I replied.
Yes I was sad but also happy. I feel like if these babies weren't being born Luke and I could have fixed what was wrong but now I'm about to give birth to 2 babies which I didn't particularly plan for anyway. I will love them with all my heart but I'm just not ready.
I got pushed down to the theatre where they do the cesarean's. Liz offered to come with me but I didn't want her to see me like that.
"You may feel something strange but you'll be fine you just need to relax."
I got put on a weak anaesthetic so I was still awake just the pain wouldn't be as painful.
The nurse started on the procedure. To be honest it hurt a bit but it was bare able.
I heard a cry and looked for the baby. They brought him round to me and I held him for the first time. He got a small monitor put on him. I heard a second cry and she was wrapped in a blanket like the baby I'm holding but in pink. She got passed to me and I held them both. I kissed they for the first time and cradled them gently.
They both started crying louder this time. They got taken off of me and put into an incubator each. They got wheeled off quicker then I could speak.
"What's going on? What's wrong?"
"Matilda we don't know yet but they are both stressed out. Their heart rates are unusual and they can't breath properly. We will have to wheel you back after we've finished cleaning you up. We will tell you everything and I'll come get you as soon as I find anything out. I'm really sorry."
I didn't say anything so she wheeled me up to the room.
Liz turned around as soon as I entered with a smile on her face. Obviously expecting 2 babies in my arms.
"Where are they?"
"I don't know." Is all I whispered.
---
4 hours later
"Matilda Joseph?" A doctor asked with a nurse behind him.
"Yes." I looked over to him.
He walked in with an expression I couldn't determined wether it was bad or not.
"I'm sorry."
I knew what he was going to say he didn't even need to finish his sentence.
"The little girl has survived but your baby boy couldn't make it. We're ever so sorry." The nurse told me.
"Where is she?" Liz asked.
I was full on crying by this point. I couldn't handle all this anymore.
Parents: dead
Luke: hates me and anything to do with me.
Baby: dead
Obviously I can't keep anything for long.
"Would you like to hold her?"
I nodded and they brought her to me.
I cried even more whilst holding her.
"What's her name?"
"Poppy." I replied.
"Well done M." Liz said hugging me and Poppy.
"Do you want to hold your grandchild?"
She nodded and took Poppy off me.
I took the chance to call Jack, Ben, Andrew and Megan.
"Hello?" Megan answered.
"Hey Megs. I have some good news."
"Agh what is it?"
"I've had two beautiful babies."
"Congratulations. What are their names?" She said excited.
"Her names Poppy." I replied smiling although she can't see me.
"Awh what's the other babies name."
"H- he didn't make it."
"Tilly baby I'm so sorry." She apologised.
"It's okay." I said smiling slightly.
"When can I come see her?" She asked changing the subject.
"As soon as you want."
"I'll be down as soon as I get back. Love you T. Congrats!"
"I'm an Uncle?" I heard Michael scream in the background.
I couldn't help but laugh at them. I hung up and for the rest of the day I took care of Poppy (with Liz's help).
