Finding Love

it's my fault

***
I heard my phone ringing. I groaned and opened my eyes and grabbed my phone. I answered the phone and said, "Hello?" Harry said, "Hello are you okay love?" I quickly sat up and said, "Um...yeah I'm just tired." He said, "Okay my plane just landed so I will pick you up in an hour." I said, "Oh okay..." He said, "Um...I have to go but I'll see you soon! I love you." My eyes started watering and I said, "I love you too." I quickly hung up and then I looked up and saw all of the girls looking at me. I said, "Um...I have to go get ready Harry is picking me up in an hour." They just stared at me sort of confused. But before they said anything I got up and walked into the bathroom. I took a quick shower because since I cried so much last night, my face was all red and puffy and also I had makeup every where... I then got out of the shower and I blow dried my hair. It was my natural hair, which is pretty straight but with a little curl. I then threw it into a pulled back messy ponytail. I teased my hair a little so it had more volume. I then needed to put on makeup because my face was still pretty red. I just put on:

Foundation
Concealer
Filled in my eyebrows
Bronzer
Highlighter
Light pink tinted chapstick
WATERPROOF mascara

That was all I wanted to put on since I knew I would most likely be crying. I then went into my closet and threw on an outfit. My outfit was a pink long sleeve v neck crop top. It also had silver/ gold detailing design all over it. For my pants they were high waisted flowey light pink sort of metallic pants. My waist band for the pants were light pink metallic. For my shoes I threw on nude colored pointed toe heels. Then for my accessories I put on a gold locket necklace, quay metallic gold reflective sunglasses, and my engagement ring. I walked back into my bedroom and all of the girls were sitting up on the bed talking in a circle. They saw me and they turned around and Selena said, "Brooke we were just talking and we-" I finished the sentence for her since I already knew what she was going to say, "You guys want to know if I am going to tell Harry." They all nodded and I said, "I-I am going to tell him, I promise." They nodded and pulled me onto the bed for a group hug. I heard the doorbell ring and then I froze and started shaking. Bella said, "B are you sure that you are okay?" Kendall said, "Yeah we can tell him you aren't feeling well." I said, "No it's okay...um can one of you please feed Marilyn before you leave?" Gigi said, "I will." I said, "Okay thank you." I smiled weakly and then I grabbed my keys and my wristlet which had a white pom pom key chain. I went over to the door and I took a deep breath and then I opened the door with a fake smile on my face. Harry smiled and then he hugged me. He whispered, "I missed you." I smiled and said, "I missed you too!" He put his hands on my face and then pulled me in and kissed me. I kissed back and then we pulled away. We smiled and he grabbed my hand and said, "I am really excited to show you something!" I smiled and said, "Can I have any hints?" He smirked and said, "Nope." I fake laughed and we walked out of the apartment. I will wait until after his surprise because he seems really excited and I don't want to ruin his day. He held my hand and then we got onto the elevator. The door closed and then Harry pushed me against the wall and put his hands on the wall. He leaned in and then kissed me. He put one of his hands on my waist and rubbed up under my shirt. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we continued kissing then the elevator beeped signaling that the door was going to open. We pulled apart and both of our faces were red and flushed. He grabbed my hand and we got off the elevator. The cameras started flashing and Harry put his arm in front of me to block paparazzi. The paps kept yelling questions about the engagement and...the baby... Every time they talked about the baby, I just felt worse and worse. He opened the door for me and then be walked around to his side and got into the car. We began driving and he put one of his hands on my knee. I smiled at him and I took a picture of him. He had sunglasses on and he had one hand on the wheel and the other was on my knee, but you couldn't see his hand that was on my knee. You could see his dimples and I posted it on Instagram with the caption:

two hands on the wheel...

He smiled and said, "I can see you taking pictures of me." I smiled and said, "Opps." He laughed and the car stopped. I looked up and saw our house. We both got out of the car and I said, "What are we doing here? Isn't the house not done yet?" He smirked and said, "Well I pulled some strings and it may be all done." I smiled and stared at it. After a few seconds I hugged Harry and he spun me around. I laughed and he said, "Lets go inside!" I smiled and we walked to the door and he handed me keys. I said, "Oh my god!" I put them in and I opened the door. My mouth dropped to the floor. The house was so gorgeous! Well mainly the entry way because that was all that I saw before. It was huge and so modern and sleek! The ceilings were sooo high! The floors were white marble and the walls were a sort of beige/ light brown color. The crown molding was white. There were double stairs and the stairs were white marble so they matched the floor! Then the railing was this gorgeous black railing. Then where the two sides of the stairs met there was a balcony. Then there was this gorgeous huge chandelier hanging from the top of the ceiling. In the middle of the two sides of stairs there was a seating area with grey lounge chairs and green plants on mini tables. You could also see through to the living room. Overall it was gorgeous! I hugged Harry and I said, "I love it so much!" He smiled and said, "Well lets see the rest if the house!" I smiled and first we toured the whole down stairs. Overall everything was just so sleek and modern. The theme was basically modern black and white. I loved it so much, well we had designed it! After we went upstairs and looked at all of the bedroom and there were soo many! The master bedroom was huge and I even had my own room for a clothes and one for shoes. It was amazing and I loved it! Harry said, "And I have one more surprise for you!" I said, "Haz..." He smirked and grabbed my hand and led me to another wing upstairs. He said, "Okay close your eyes!" I closed my eyes and he led me and around 30 seconds later he stopped me. He said, "Okay open your eyes!" I opened my eyes and I saw a door and it had a sign that was pink and said:

Darcy

My heart immediately broke and my smiled dropped. Harry opened the door and I saw a glimpse into the room and I quickly turned away from the room. I said, "I'm sorry I can't." I quickly went down the stairs and Harry yelled, "Brooke wait!" I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and I sat down and started crying. Harry walked up to me and sat down and he said, "Brooke what is going on?" I said, "I need to tell you something...but I know that you will hate me." He said, "Brooke I can never hate you!" I looked up at him and my eyes were all red and puffy. I said, "You will though!" He took my hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "Brooke I love you." I had tears flowing down my cheeks and I couldn't stop crying. He said, "Does this have to do with the name of the baby? Do you not like it?" I said, "No I love the name." He said, "Then if you are fine with naming the baby Darcy what is wrong." I said, "You don't get it!" He said, "Get what?" I said, "There is no baby!" He said, "What do you mean I saw the ultrasound!" I said, "I lost her!" Harry paused and then he spoke and his voice cracked, "W-what?" I said, "...I...um I had a miscarriage." He started tearing up and he pulled at his hair and he stood up and walked back and forth and then picked up a chair and threw it across the room. I continued crying and I said, "This is all my fault!" Harry said, "No it's not! We can try again!" I said, "No Harry!" He said, "What do you mean?" I said, "I can not take another loss I'm done!" He said, "What do you mean your done! Are you breaking up with me!" I said, "No!" He said, "Then what are you done with!" I said, "Babies! I do not want to try to have any more children!" He said, "Are you serious Brooke!" I said, "I can not take any more losses!" He stayed silent and I said, "I...I have to go." I grabbed his keys and I quickly left the house and slammed the door behind me and walked towards the car. A few seconds later Harry came out of the house and he said, "Brooke wait!" I kept walking to the car and I got in a drove away. (And yes I do know that I just took Harry's car and basically left him stranded...) i honestly can not believe how Harry acted when I told him! He acts luke he can not handle any problems. It as if he was willing to just walk away and not even try anymore. I know what I said about giving up on having children was harsh, but I honestly don't know if I can survive any more losses. Because I have already had so many...