Hopeless

Chapter 11

**The Next Morning**

I wake up earlier than usual, something feeling off. I carefully slide out of bed, sure not to wake Shane. I quietly pull my shoes on, then tiptoe out into the cool morning air. I walk around the camp, trying to calm the discomfort in my stomach. I squat down in the grass behind the RV, holding my head in my hands. I breath slowly, trying to hold back the contents of my stomach. Dale walks around the side of the RV as I vomit into the grass.

"Geez, are you ok?" He asks as I stand.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Dinner just didn't settle well last night, that's all." He grabs a bottle of water and hands it to me. I thank him then rinse out my mouth.

"Are you sure you're alright? Do you want me to get Shane?" He asks, sounding concerned.

"No. No, really I'm fine." I say quickly.

"Ok..." He says unconvinced. He pats my shoulder then walks away. I find Carl playing with Sophia in the dirt. I walk over to them, crouching next to Carl.

"Hey kiddo, do you know where your dad is?" He shrugs, drawing a smiley face in the dirt with his finger.

"I think they're over there." He says, pointing toward the laundry lines.

"Thanks buddy." I ruffle his hair, which earned an eye roll from him, then walk off to find Rick. I find him arguing with Lori about something. He's fully dressed in his police uniform. "What's going on?" I ask them.

"I'm going back to Atlanta." He says it plainly, like it's no big deal.

"What!? You just got back!" I spill out emotionally.

"So that's it, huh? You're just gonna walk off? Just to hell with everybody else?" Shane asks as he walks up to us. Rick shifts uncomfortably.

"I'm not saying to hell with anybody"

"Then could you just...could you just tell me why? Why would you leave your family? Why would you risk your life for a douche bag like Merle Dixon?" Shane continues.

"Hey, choose your words more carefully." Daryl huffs, overhearing our conversation. Some of the group has been drawn to the commotion.

"Oh I did. Douche bag's what I meant. Merle Dixon...That guy wouldn't pissed on you if you were dying of thirst!" Shane yells.

"What he would or wouldn't do doesn't interest me. I can't let a man die of thirst... me. Thirst and exposure. We left him like an animal caught in a trap. That's no way for anything to die, let alone a human being." Rick stays unnaturally calm.

"So you and Daryl, that's your big plan?" I ask, my hand on my hips. Rick looks to Glenn who is one of the few that have come to see what all the yelling is about.

"Oh, come on." Glenn says, rolling his eyes. Rick turns to him, obviously noticing Glenn is upset.

"You know the way. You've been there before... In and out, no problem. You said so yourself. It's not fair of me to ask... I know that, but I'd feel a lot better with you along. I know they would too." Hey gestures toward Lori and I. 

"That's just great. Now you're gonna risk three men, huh?" Shane says, irritated. "

"Four." T-dog says, volunteering himself. Daryl scoffs.

"My day just gets better and better, don't it?" Daryl's says.

"You see anybody else here stepping up to save your brother's cracker ass?" T spits back. Daryl opens his mouth to reply but Dale cuts him off.

"That's four."

"It's not just four. You're putting every single one of us at risk. Just know that, Rick. Come on, you saw that Walker. It was here. It was in camp. They're moving out of the cities. They come back, we need every able body we've got. We need 'em here. We need 'em to protect camp." Shane says, almost pleading.

"It seems to me what you really need most here are more guns." Rick says, his hands sticking out of his pockets.

"Right, the guns." Glenn says getting excited.

"Wait. What guns?" I ask. 

"Six shotguns, two high-powered rifles, over a dozen handguns. I cleaned out the cage back at the station before I left. I dropped the bag in Atlanta when I got swarmed. It's just sitting there on the street, waiting to be picked up."

"Ammo?" Shane asks rubbing the back of his neck. 

"700 rounds, assorted."

"You went through hell to find us. You just got here and you're gonna turn around and leave?" Lori asks desperate to stop him.

"Dad, I don't want you to go." Carl whines from beside Lori.

"To hell with the guns. Shane is right. Merle Dixon? He's not worth one of your lives, even with guns thrown in. Tell me. Make me understand." I say, tears brimming my eyes. I don't mean that, I know his life isn't worth anything less than ours i just...I can't lose him. Not again.

"I owe a debt to a man I met and his little boy. Katie, if they hadn't taken me in, I'd have died. It's because of them that I made it back to you at all. They said they'd follow me to Atlanta. They'll walk into the same trap I did if I don't warn him."

"What's stopping you?" Lori asks.

"The walkie-talkie, the one in the bag I dropped. He's got the other one. Our plan was to connect when they got closer."

"These are our walkies?" Shane asks.

"Yeah." Rick replies.

"So use the CB. What's wrong with that?" Andrea asks.

"The CB's fine. It's the walkies that suck to crap... Date back to the '70s, don't match any other bandwidth... Not even the scanners in our cars." Shane explains. Rick turns to Lori.

"I need that bag. Okay?" She sighs.

"All right."

"This is ridiculous." I mumble as I storm away. Shane follows after me. I stop abruptly and turn to face him.

"He can't do this! He can't leave me again!" I cry, tears running down my face.

"I know baby...I know." He whispers as he pulls me into him. He holds me as I cry.

"I can't lose him again. I can't!"

"He'll come back katie, he always does." I nod, then wipe my eyes.

"When are they leaving?"

"Soon."

"I need to talk to Glenn before they leave. I'll see you later." I kiss his cheek, then hurry to find Glenn. I find him by his tent pulling on a backpack.

"Hey Glenn..."

"Hey Katie, what's up?"

"I really hate to ask this, but can you do me a huge favor while you're in the city?"

"Sure, what do you need?"

"I...uh..." I hand him a piece of paper with a short list of what I need. I look at the ground as he stares at me, his eyes wide with shock.