Hopeless

Chapter 58

I awaken with a start. The baby's cries ripping me from my slumber.

"Sorry," Daryl whispers. His voice hoarse and heavy with exhaustion. "She's hungry..." I pull myself up, my head aching from an uneasy slumber.

"It's okay baby, come here. Mommy's got you." I take Ella, gently cradling her in my arms. I turn away from the others, most of whom are still asleep, and feed her. "How long have you been up?" I ask Daryl as he rubs his face.

"An hour or so."

"I'm sorry baby, you could have woken me." He shakes his head.

"You need rest. Your body's working for two. You're feeding and providing for our baby the least I can do is let you get some damn sleep." I take his hand with my free one, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Thank you." I feel myself begin to sway, my eyes suddenly losing focus. I shake my head trying to clear my vision.

"Kate what is it?" He asks me his voice full of worry.

"I just...I..." He takes my face in his hands stabilizing me.

"What is it baby, what's wrong?" I blink a few times regaining clarity.

"I'm okay, I'm okay." I say weakly, trying to reassure him. "I just got a little dizzy that's all, I'm fine."

"When's the last time you've eaten?" He asks, his deep southern voice full of concern.

"I.." I pause, thinking about it. "I don't know." I can't remember. Before we left the farm I suppose, but that feels like an eternity now. He rummages through the backpack and pulls out half a gatorade and a granola bar.

"It's not much, but it's something. You need to eat." I let the baby finish eating, then zip myself back up, laying her on a blanket in the grass beside me. I gratefully take the food. Eating slowly so I don't make myself sick.

"Have you eaten?" I ask him. He shrugs.

"I'm okay."

"What do we have left?" I ask him worriedly. He lowers his head.

"That was it."

"What about the stuff we grabbed when we stopped at the highway?" Referring to the supplies we had left for Sarah.

"I'm so sorry Katie...the kids were hungry...I gave Carl and Sophia what I had. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be. I would've done the same." I sigh, leaning into his side. I rest my head on his shoulder, his arm wrapping around my waist. "What the hell are we going to do?" I whisper to him, careful to keep my voice low enough so that no one else can hear me. "We have no food, no gas, no where to go..."

"We'll keep moving." He answers. "We'll find food, we'll find gas." He turns to me so that we're looking straight at each other. "I'm going to keep you safe. I promise you, I'm going to do everything in my power to take care of you both." I lift my hand to his face, rubbing my thumb gently across his stubbly cheek.

"I love you." I whisper, as I lean closer to him. I kiss him lovingly, as he does the same. After a moment he pulls away kissing my forehead. I snuggle into him, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. His gentle heart beat against my ear soothing my worry with every passing second. I feel guilty for not telling him the full extent of my situation. It's not just dizzy spells and exhaustion...if we don't find more food soon I'm afraid I won't be able to produce enough food for Ella. We'll have to depend solely on the limited supply of formula we have. I know the thought has come up before, but it has never been as imminent as it is now. My job as her mother is to feed and care for her, protect her from all of this, and if I'm starving I can't do any of that. That scares me more than anything, I just don't want to worry him any more than I already have.