Hopeless

Chapter 65

We've been traveling for months, hopping from house to house avoiding the herds. The winter was harsh. Food was scare, and the cold was unbearable. For a while I wasnt even sure if Ella was gonna make it. Ours spirits are low, the hope of a home we all keep holding onto withering away with each passing day. And even with the changing of seasons our desperate need for food hasn't. Scavenge, find shelter, sleep, scavenge, repeat. Bouncing from place to place just trying to survive.  Lori's almost 9 months pregnant. She could go into labor any day now, i don't know how much more of this she can handle.  And now with Ella being around 8 months its more important than ever that we find her a safe place to make roots. She's getting so big, her tiny personality is already beginning to shine through. She has bright blue eyes, identical to mine and her dark brown hair is growing in curls. She has four teeth, two on top and two on the bottom and now shes starting to crawl.  Between teething and her constant need to be on the move its a miracle we've made it this far. Every cry, every whine, every giggle puts us at risk. The walkers are desperate, starving after the long winter so any tiny sound draws them.

I snuggle my little rose closer to my chest, smiling as she lets out a small snore. Her heavy breaths tickle the side of my neck as I walk. We trek through the woods, searching for somewhere to take shelter and rest. We've been walking all day and everyone's exhausted, especially Lori whose hardly able to stay on her feet.

Finally after what feels like an eternity we stumble across an old cabin. Daryl, Rick,  and Glenn signal each other, communicating a plan in silence like they do each time. T-dog stands guard by the rest of us, watching for walkers as the others search the house. Finally Rick comes back giving us the okay to come inside. We lug all of our things into the living room, getting ready to settle in for the night. Lori sighs with relief as she plops into a ratty old arm chair, finally able to rest. I sit on the floor beside her placing a folded blanket on the floor like a tiny mattress and lay Ella onto it. She coos happily playing with her hands as the others scavenge the house. Daryl plops down on the floor beside me, his crossbow in one hand a dead owl in the other. He starts to defeather it as everyone begins to settle in.

"Hey guys." Glenn says with a huge smile as he walks into the living room. "I found two cars out back in decent shape, extra gas." He beams excitedly. "It'll be a tight fit, but it'll get us off our feet for a day or two." He says, his voice full of hope. I notice Carl is the last to join us in the living room. He walks in with a can in each hand, his gun bouncing in its holster as he walks. He sits on the floor on the other side of Lori taking the can opener. Everyone gets really quiet, and at first I don't realize why. I watch closely as he begins to open the first can, his face full of anticipation. That's when I realize...it's dog food. No one says a word, but the shame that we've been pushed to this point fills the room. He's starving, we all are. Rick walks up to Carl without a word, his face full of anger. The tension seemingly sucking all the air out of the room. I hold my breath, anticipating his reaction. He snatches the dog food from Carl's grasp and whips it into the fire place. It splatters everywhere, the loud crash making us all jump. Ella cries, the noise startling her. I stand, scooping her up into my arms, doing everything i can to calm her. Everyone tenses up, fear exploding through us all.

"Shh shh shh. Its okay love, mommys got you. Shh." I whisper as I bounce her, pacing back and forth.

"Hey" T-dog whispers hastely. "We've got company." He pulls the curtain back away from the window, revealing dozens of the dead. Terror turns my blood to ice, as we all burst into action.

"Get to the cars. We're leaving. Now." Rick whispers, his hand on his pistol. Unfortunately we've done this multiple times, so we all know what to do without saying a word. I place Ella in her carrier and strap it to myself. I give her a pacifier and quickly place cotton in her ears before zipping my jacket around her, sheltering her from the sights and sounds of whats going to come next. Everyone readys their blunt force weapons, knowing that a single gun shot would kill us all. Then we slip out the door as swiftly and quietly and we can. We load into the cars Rick, Daryl T-dog, and Glenn bringing down any walker that gets close. My heart pounds in my chest, fear racing through me as they climb in at the last second. Rick slams his door closed, a walkers hand trapped in it's path. The horrid sound of crushing bones making me cringe as he continues to struggle against the snarling monster. He shoves the door back open into the walker, sending it stumbling back just far enough to get the door closed. 

"Go go go!" He yells to Maggie who's in the drivers seat. I hold Ella tighter, tensing as she slams on the gas pedal peeling away from the house. I sigh with relief, letting myself relax as we drive further and further away, the others right behind us.  

"Everyone okay?" Maggie asks as she drives. The adrenaline from our daunting escape still pumping as we all confirm our safety. I unzip my jacket, removing Ella from her carrier as she begins to fuss. I sigh, leaning my head back against the seat as I bounce her, wanting nothing more than to sleep. Worry sets in my stomach as the sun does the same. We have no where to go, but we can't stop. Not here. We'd never make it with all those walkers so close behind. Daryl wraps his arm around my shoulder pulling me against him. I rest my head against his chest, Ella snuggled cozily between us. He kisses my forehead then rests his cheek against the top of my head. 

"You should get some sleep." He whispers lovingly. "I'll keep in eye on our little ass kicker." He says with a little laugh. I look up at him with so much love i could almost cry. I give him a quick kiss not wanting to make a scene in front of the others. 

"What in the world would I do without you?" 

"Let's never find out." He replies, kissing me again before I cuddle back into his chest. I close my eyes and somehow even through all of this I still feel safe in his arms. It doesn't take long before the rise and fall of his chest and the quiet chatter in the car around me lulls me into a deep sleep.