Hopeless

Chapter 26

Everyone rushes out the door to greet them. I hobble out after them.

"Shane!" He drops the equipment in front of Rick and Hershel and runs to me. I drop the crutches and throw myself into him. "Oh thank God..I-I was so worried." I cry. He buries his head in my hair.

"I didn't think I was gonna make it back...I-I.." I pull away as Hershel approaches us. I look around, balancing myself on Shane.

"Where's Otis." Shane hangs his head.

"Oh no..." I whisper.

"We don't tell Patricia. Not until after the surgery. I need her." Shane nods, his eyes watery. With that Hershel heads inside with the surgical equipment.

"Baby what happened?" I ask him softly.

"Walkers. Th-they kept blockin' us at every turn. They were everywhere. We had nothin' left. We were down to ten rounds. Then h-he said he would cover me a-and that I should kept going. He handed me his bag and told me to go. I-I didn't want to leave him but-but I ran. I just kept goin'. When-when I looked back he was surrounded. He fired his last round...he tried to fight his way out but they pulled him down. It-it was too late. I couldn't save him." His voice breaks off, tears running down his cheeks. "He-he just kept screamin'." He cries.

"Shh it's ok. It's ok." I pull him into me. "It's gonna be ok."

"He just wanted to make things right..."He whispers into my hair. I pull away, looking up at him.

"And he did. He died a hero. He could have just saved Carl's life. He-He made sure you got out of there...he got you back to me and I will forever be grateful for that." I say wiping his tears away. "Come on, we should get inside." He nods and hands me the crutches off of the ground. He helps me up the steps, then holds the door while I crutch through. We all sit around the living room, the suspense so thick in the air you could cut it with a knife. Rick bounces his knee nervously while he waits for Hershel to complete the surgery. His son's life dangling in the hands of a veterinarian. I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. I waited in the waiting room for hours, until finally I could see him. He was the most beautiful baby boy I had ever seen. I had never seen Rick so happy in his entire life. And now that precious baby boy is laying in there, open on that table holding onto life by a thread. Suddenly Hershel steps out of the room, everyone jumping to their feet in anticipation of the news. He takes a deep breath and I prepare myself for the worst.

"He's stable for now." I sigh, a thousand pound weight lifting off of my shoulders.

"Oh thank God." Lori mumbles.

"Can we see him?" Rick asks happily.

"Of course." Hershel leads them in, but I stay behind. Shane hangs his head when Patricia walks out into the living room. Everyone looks at her with sad eyes.

"What? Why are you all...." She stops mid sentence when she looks around the room and see's Otis isn't here. Her eyes falls on Shane. "He--he's d-dead?" She asks trying to hold herself together.

"I'm so sorry." He whispers.

"No! NO!" She screams collapsing onto the couch. Maggie comforts her. She sobs uncontrollably. Shane breaks down seeing her like this. He backs away from the scene then storms outside. I try to go after to him, but Beth places a hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe you should give him some time." She says quietly. Her eyes watery. I nod.

"Yeah, maybe you're right." I go and visit Carl. I sit beside his bed, holding his small hand for what feels like hours. People have been coming in and out, but I've been too lost in my own thoughts to pay any attention to them. I hear footsteps enter the room. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see Maggie standing beside me.

"It's gettin' late you ready to head upstairs?"

"Yeah." I say quietly carefully getting to my feet. When I eventually make it up the flight of stairs Maggie shows me to her room. Beth is already sound asleep, curled up in her bed.

"You can take my bed, I'll climb in with Beth." Maggie says sleepily.

"Are you sure?" I ask not wanting to invade.

"Absolutely." She smiles and hands me a pair of clothes. "You can change into these if you'd like. They should fit alright." I thank her and head into her bathroom to change. When I return she's laying in bed cuddled up beside Beth. I climb into bed as quietly as I can, but sleep doesn't come. I lay there, staring into the darkness my mind wandering. I rub my belly in small circles, thanking God for my little miracle in this ugly world.

"You awake?" Maggie asks after a while.

"Yeah. I can't sleep." I answer quietly.

"Me either. Too much on my mind." I nod even though I know she can't she me. "It's just..I'm so tired of losin' people ya know?"

"Yeah...I know. We..my group we lost so many people before we made it here."

"I lost my mom...before all of this. Then my step mom...my step brother they got the sickness a-and now Otis. He's been here runnin' this farm since I was a kid." She sighs.

"Sickness?" I ask curiously.

"Yeah, whatever's turnin' all those people into..into those things." She answers. After a moment of silence she speaks again. "Who did you lose?"  She asks curiously.

"My friend Amy, Jacqui, Jim, Ed, and so many more...I lost my-my son before the...sickness. He was only a few weeks old. His father and I were on our way to bring him to meet my family. Nobody knew I was pregnant...I went away with his father in secret so they had no idea. But then this truck..i-it came out of nowhere..it slammed right into the back of our car where his car seat was. I-I made it out of there with a few broken ribs but...but Sammy he..he didn't make it." I say quietly choking back on tears.

"I'm so sorry." She whispers.

"Every death...every person we lose...they take a piece of us with them a-and I just don't know how to come back from that. How to get over that missing piece."

"You don't." She says quietly. "You don't get over it. But you lean on the people that are still here...the people you meet along the way. That space will never be filled, that person will never be replaced, but you..you'll learn to keep going, to live without that piece." I lay there in silence and let that sink in. She's right. We lay here and talk for hours. About everything from boys to the kind of music we like. We talked until eventually our minds become at peace and we are finally able to drift off to sleep.

**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for all of the positive feedback I've been getting. I love getting comments from you guys, it means the world to me! <3 **