Dolls in Dollhouses (A Jonnor Fanfiction)

Part 13

"I'm sorry," I whisper as I sit down.
"It's okay," Callie hugs me, "I understand you're going through a hard time right now."
I don't deny and start eating quietly.
***
The next day Lena calls me down to her office. I walk in slowly thinking about what this talk is going to be about.
"Hey sweetie sorry I'm taking you out of class."
I sit down, "Nothing to be sorry about," I laugh lightly.
"Right, well I was thinking with everything going on me and mom decided that it's best if you start talking to someone."
"Like counseling?"
"Yeah maybe one or two sessions a week."
"For what?"
"Just for you to talk."
"Talk about what? There's nothing to talk about." I try to calm my anger, that I been feeling too much lately.
"Your feelings, what you been feeling lately. It'll be kind of like writing but talking."
She waits for a response but doesn't get one.
So she continues, "it's better to talk about it. I even got it set up so you can attend the sessions during school maybe after school some days."
I nod, I don't want to resist, there's no point anyways.
"You start next Monday," she smiles warmly at me.
"Can I go?"
"Sure."
***
Around 8 pm, after dinner I get a text from Connor responding to my text finally.
'Are you even gay?'
'Can I call u sometime to explain?'
'Now?'
'Yeah if possible.'
'Ok hang on.'
I smile slightly when my phone lights up. I read the contact name smiling brighter.
"Hey," my smile is so wide, and this time it isn't fake.
"Hey," his voice is rough but gentle, and it's saddening, "so what do you need to talk to me about?"
"Us," I say simply.
"What about us," Connor's voice cracks which makes my smile drop.
"I was wrong," my voice starts to shake, "I haven't moved on, I'm sorry."
"Jude tell me the truth, are you gay?"
"I don't know."
Jesus walks in the room glancing at me then going to sit on his bed.
"Jude this is what I mean. I can't keep doing this, it's either you like me or you don't. First you said it was a break then ignored me, then texted me saying you moved on. Now you're saying you haven't! What the fuck Jude, seriously I can't do this, I'm so done with this. You can't keep doing this, pushing me away every fucking time I think I have a chance at getting you back," he's crying now.
I'm on the verge of tears, I take a few moments to compose myself, "I know, I'm sorry, you don't know how sorry I am. I-it just been so confusing lately, everything," I lower my voice even though I know that won't help Jesus eavesdropping, "I just been so messed up inside, I don't know how to explain it. I'm losing everyone and I don't want to lose you too."
"I'm sorry Jude but I have to go," his voice quivers and he hangs up.
It takes every last strength I have to not break down right then and there.

AN/ damn this is really depressing but I swear it gets better. ;) <3