Dolls in Dollhouses (A Jonnor Fanfiction)

Part 35

It's the last day but I find it a little more extremely hard to get out of bed than most days.
It's like my head is going to explode, there's weight on my chest, and I'm walking in a daze.
But that must be because I have a migraine, and I'm half tired. I just be imagining the weight on my chest.
So the day goes by very slowly, very boring, and inactive. No work to do, and no one to talk to. I'm exceedingly lonely.
I want to go home and sleep off this stupefying feeling.
At lunch I meet up with Siris, as he talks about summer plans I can't focus on his words. The talking around me, slamming of trays and doors, laughter, and the music coming from the speakers, special for the last day, I'm starting to get overwhelmed.
As I go through out the line I do what my counselor told me when I was still going, which I haven't for a couple of months. I just failed to show, I didn't want to anyways. So I took deep breaths and tried to focus on my breathing.
Suddenly Siris nudges my side with my elbow, I look over at him and he nods towards the lunch lady in front of me, she smiles and asks probably for the 5th time, "Lunch card?"
I hand her the lunch card and then wait for Siris.
"Are you okay?" He asks as we go sit at our usual spot.
I look at him and try to say I'm fine but instead my heart and mind start to race, "yeah, I'm going to the bathroom."
I hurry and get up and rush to the bathroom.
There are 2 guys in there but I go into a stall anyways. I wait for them to leave. It's like the time in the gender neutral bathroom, but this time it's worse.
It's so irrational, I don't understand why I feel this way, like I'm going to die.
Was it something I did? Why is this happening?
Am I hyperventilating?
Am I dying? I can't be dying it's a school bathroom. I can't be dying. I can't be. I can't.
I hit my head with my palm as I think of some terrible things.
Stop.
I hit my head again.
Stop stupid brain.
I take my phone out.
My brain is in memory mode, 'hey do you remember that time where you...'.
Stop.
I turn off my phone, I turn on my phone. Then off again.
Stop.
'Remember when your parents hit that drunk driver?'
Stop.
'Remember when you wore lipstick to school?'
Stop.
I pull my hair in bunches.
Stop.
'Remember when you wore that dress?'
Think of something else, think of something else.
I look around and try to find something to focus on.
I'm in a stall.
'Remember when you wore nail polish.'
'Remember when you wear nail polish.'
I swing my bag over my shoulder, determined to get rid of these thoughts. I walk back to the table.
"You were gone awhile?" Siris smiles at me, "was there a line?"
No.
It takes me a minute to realize I'm staring at him and that 'no' didn't actually come out of my mouth.
"I'm sorry but I'm not feeling very well I'm going to the nurse."
'Remember when Connor moved away?'
I run to my locker once I reach the corridors with closed doors.
'Remember when you broke up with Connor?'
I accidentally slam my locker.
And I accidentally walk out of the school.
Knowing I shouldn't actually leave leave the school I sit on the little bench behind the tree looking out to the ocean.
It's where Daria and Connor kissed 3 years ago.
I pull out my phone again, and dial.
He answers right away.
"Hey Jude," he says excitedly.
"Hey," my voice is still shaky and my body is still slightly trembling.
The thoughts repeat.
"Everything okay?"
"Can you just talk to me? Tell me anything. Anything to get my mind off of, everything."
"Are you okay?"
"Connor please just talk," I plead ignoring the worry dripping from his voice.
Cause all I can literally think of is the thoughts spinning in my head, replaying itself like a recording.
"Okay Jude, you are really scaring me but I'm going to just talk. What should I talk about?"
"Anything. Everything."
I put my phone on speaker, cause I don't feel the physical strength to continue holding it up to my ear.
I listen to his voice, I'm not able to fully make out what he's saying but I don't care, his voice is keeping my mind steady for the time being.
I close my eyes and lay my head back against the tree behind me.
I still can't fully focus on his words but my breathing is normal again.
I slowly am able to hear his words.
"....and I'm running out of things to say but I hope I'm helping my human, and I'm just glad to be on the phone with him even if he doesn't know what I am saying...," he says it in a sing song voice.
"Thank you."
He stops talking.
"Thank you," I repeat.
"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing now," I crack a smile, "I was just a bit overwhelmed about...everything I guess."
I hear, what sounds like a car door slam in the back ground and then his voice say, "oh okay, I thought you were dying or something and you know," I could legitimately hear the smile cross his face as he finishes, "wanted to hear my voice last. I'm honored really."
It goes silent for a minute, "Jude I have to go. Okay?"
"Okay I will allow you to end the call," I grin.
"Thank you master."
I laugh, that can be taken the wrong way.
"Okay bye. Love-" he almost cuts himself off all together but then continues, "love you, Jude."
He waits for a response, I hesitate, "Love you too."