Sidemen Imagines

Oops

Ah shit yeah, so I completely died for like 2 months, I'm so sorry ahahaha. I've come back to like 205 notifications and I can't actually believe that I forgot about you guys! If you wanna know what happened, keep reading, otherwise skip skip skip to the end m80 :) (also trigger warning: mentions of depression and suicide)

So yeah, basically I wasn't very well, I developed an eating disorder, I became verbally abusive and came severely close to suicide, the reason being my depression and anxiety. Those of you who know me or have gotten to know me or have seen what I'm like online, that's insanely unlike me, I'm not a bad person, I'm not one to hurt someone and I really am not abusive, I don't have a shouting voice. My behaviour at the time is something I'm not proud of and want to leave in the past so hopefully none of you take me for that sort of person anymore as that really isn't me, I'm literally a bunny rabbit made of cotton candy that poops love.

As my behaviour got worse, as I got more and more poorly and as I hurt the people around me, I begged to be made better so they whooshed me away in an ambulance, I was in A&E rooms (no waiting room for me, not the state I was in) for about 4 hours and then got taken up to the children's ward (as in 16 I'm still classed as a minor) I got a private room and I spoke to many a therapist and I stayed the night. I was meant to stay 2 but fortunately I had a saviour. The plan for me, as I was in no state to go back to my brother to live with him, was to be sent up the country to a care home... Yeah.. No thank you. But, I still had one more option; my father. Now I haven't spoken to the man in around 4-5 years as i cut contact from him after he left my mum and treated me and my brother like shit. I went to live with him and the family he left us for and have found myself getting better. I stopped going to college only hoping to return in the near future. I have found myself a group of friends that make me happier than I've ever been, I've got myself a boy who I love and adore so much I can't even explain it. And he's a musician so yeah I'm in fucking heaven. I'm getting there and hopefully I'll have my writing back on track very soon. I hope you all haven't forgotten me 🙈

-Ashii 😜 xxx