One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 2 - More Finn

At the time mum left for the final time is when I started to become what everyone thinks I am.

Stacey Stringfellow is my girl. She is what everyone says is fit, flowing blonde hair, athletic, legs that just won't quit, all the other lads want her. I should like her, but if I am honest, I simply don't. She is just so fucking mean and horrible as a person. I am in a state of constant shock that she has any friends at all, though she is surrounded by her minions. Chop and Archie have not been shy about telling me just how much they hate her. But I simply don't care.

Stacey gives me all that I deserve. You know, even when I am buried deep inside her, or I run my hands over her smooth and flawless body, or kiss her, I feel nothing but distance from her, the sex doesn't cure how I feel, rather it leaves me feeling cold. It's functional, I am horny, and want a bit and she is available. Let me be honest, being with her is all about me. In saying that, I am not a totally selfish prick about it. I pay her enough attention that I don't feel guilty for doing the same old thing - me nestled between her legs, finishing when I want to, and leaving as quickly as I possibly can when I am done. I am as close as two people can get, but it is like I am not even there, I am distant and cold. Stacey is always nagging at me to come over more often, but I have to say, how I feel afterwards makes me hate myself even more, I use her, and it isn't really fair to her or me, but it is exactly what I deserve.

As we walk through college, Stacey inevitably has her hands on me. She is staking her claim, making sure everyone knows that she owns me. I wish she wouldn't, but really, it is all part of the 'image'. In her view she has the fittest lad in college and she wants everyone to know that we are untouchable. Her touch is cold, I makes me feel more numb. While walking through the college for some reason people part to let us through the crowd. Each day I feel more like I am going through the motions, more lost.

People look at us, and I know they think they know all about us, thinking we're in love. I try very hard to not look as disinterested as I really am when Stacey hangs off me. For all I know Stacey might be in love, and I could have a conversation with her about it if I cared, but I simply don't give a shit. I hate the way they all look at us, thinking they know what is going on. They see what I let them, nothing more, and I have to say, I am getting very tired of this game, and how it makes me feel.

In the mornings I usually meet Stacey at the college gate, and I have to say, today is no different, I stand exactly where I have been told. Bag slung on my shoulder, taking a drag on my cigarette, leg bent against the fence. Stacey sees me, and I pretend I don't notice her. I have to admit, I wish she would have not noticed me. She kisses me good morning, I nod at her and grunt. I can't be bother to even say hello. I am such a prick.

I think of all the times I have sneaked in her room, like the night before last. Every time I go there, I fuck her simply to try and fill this massive chasm but every time I a left feeling more sad and empty, more lost. I am further removed from me. I am alone. What kind of a person am I to use her? To care so little for her, but to take from her? This Finn eats at me.

I rationalise how I treat her by reminding myself that Stacey is beyond mean, she listens to the backstreet boys (it kills a bit of my soul every time I am forced to listen to them). She despises football, and she keeps telling me Archie is gay. Like seriously, I have known Archie nearly all my life, I know he likes lads, but what difference does it make to anyone, and especially to Stacey? Archie has never said anything, and until he has, I pretty much don't want to hear anyone talking about it. With most things that she says I can completely ignore her, but when she talks about this it makes my blood boil. I wish she would restrict opening her mouth to sucking my dick, at least then I'd get something worthwhile out of it.

She's empty and no amount of fucking her will make me feel better - I know this.

Every time she speaks, everything she does, it's like a worsening storm inside me. Clouds are darker, the rain has set in, and the rot in my soul is advanced.

I fucking hate this. But at least I know what I've got with Stacey, a grade A+ bitch.

After our morning classes today, we meet in the caff at lunch. She selected my fucking lunch again - I find it so irritating. Our table is clear, like it is every day, everyone knows its Stacey's table and leave it alone. Just as I am making my way to the table I notice that Stacey has moved her bag so that a first year would trip over it. I knew in an instant Stacey was doing this for her own amusement - she thought it would be funny if the first year tripped over and the caff population could laugh. This girl with her nose stuck in her book, tray with her lunch, walkman on (fuck is that the Beastie Boys?) the volume is so loud. She simply has no idea what lays ahead for her.

I grab this girls arm, move Stacey's bag out of the way to save this girl, a complete stranger from certain humiliation. This girl looks at me and tries to shew me off her and she can't seem to figure out why I am touching her. Stacey's eyes are like daggers, I can feel them digging into me. I look at this girl, the subject of Stacey's latest plot.

She is so soft, so beautiful, with gorgeous long raven hair I want to touch, amazing eyes that look like they would dance when telling a story, or when she smiles, I want to see them dance. Fuck her lips... Jesus they are perfect and I find myself instantly drawn to them, I suppress an urge to press my lips against her to feel her. What the fuck Finn, what the fuck are you thinking! Man, her touch is warm. She smiles an awkward smile at me, probably because my hand is still on her. I smile back and then burrow my brow. I drop my hands from her. Her fucking lips, geez.

Inside my head, there are a number of thoughts...

I haven't touched her really.

Don't know her name.

Saved her from Stacey's humiliation plot.

Thought of kissing her multiple times.

But more surprising than anything I felt warm from her touch.

Who the fuck is this girl?

Stacey's voice interrupting my internal dialogue, the sound makes my soul dark instantly. "Ya fat cow watch where ya going, and stop looking at my boyfriend, he isn't interested in ya..."

The caff was watching, the mystery girl runs off, I can I felt her heart break. I heard the snickers and laughs of those around us.

I turn to Stacey, she has such a smug look on her face, I have gritted teeth, I move to her, lean in "Stacey, if I you were a fucking bloke I'd fucking curl you up. We are done Stacey. Don't look at me. Don't talk to me. Don't touch me ever again." I walk away.

Stacey shouts out, "Oh Finn, I was done with you anyway. I am sure you and Archie will be very happy together.'

I stop instantly and I turn back to Stacey. I calmly say, "Stacey, remember how I said don't talk, look or touch me. It goes double for my mates." I lean in close and remind her "Remember I know all your secrets Stacey and if you threaten my friends again, I might be forced to share your secrets... your folks I am sure would be interested... maybe even the authorities. I am sure they'd be interested in your side job with Kendo." She is shocked I would threaten her like this, but she left me with no choice.

I turn and walk away.