One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 45 - Rae

I am in Finn's kitchen making dinner for us. Gary is away with work a normal occurrence these days. It is like he is trying to give us space. Finn comes frombe hind me and wraps his arms around me. Hugging me. I can feel his smile. It makes me happy. He holds me for the longest time and it feels perfect, I don't move, I stand still and I enjoy the moment. I don't think I have ever been this happy.

I know it is hard on Finn keeping our relationship quiet, especially at college, but there is only so much I can handle. Finn is the center of attention they all think he is the fittest lad. What they don't know is that he is much more than just fit, he is sweet, sensitive, smart, patient, quiet and kind. In saying that they all don't get to see that part of Finn. While being quite aluff at college he finds himself swamped by girls all trying to get a slice of my Finn.

He doesn't know this, but I watch him when I can. My nose peering over a book that I am 'reading' studying his reaction and what the girls are doing and saying around him. He is often disinterested but sometimes I have caught him chatting to one or more the girls and it kills me. I fight everything in me not to pull the girls off him and teach them a lesson. We have fought over this issue more than I would like to admit. My jealousy always results in awaking my insecurities. The girls are thinner than me. They are prettier than me. Funnier. More clever. They don't want to hide how they feel about Finn, they want everyone to know. They aren't shy to show him or others.

I can't expect him to be rude to these girls, he is being himself. In the end I know this is all my fault, but I really don't know how to fix it. If it is has to be a choice between being quiet and being with Finn, or risk the focus on us breaking me, and us. It is a risk I am not willing or ready to take. Not yet, but maybe.

Finn has gone into the sitting room, and is playing some music, The Cure, and I smile. I turn and watch him. He is calm, relaxed and happy. I smile at him, he catches me. "Hey Rae Rae" he says smiling "whatcha doing girl?"

"Smiling at you Finley. You are too cute" I compliment him. Out of nowhere I ask "you got any assignments to do Finn?" I know he would prefer to do anything other than college work.

"Nah, it is all good Rae. Trust me" he says being cheeky with his arms out stretched. I can barely contain myself he is more adorable than ever.

"Finn, seriously exams are just around the corner, what about uni?" I say to him, hoping he is thinking about his future, but I know like the other times we have discussed this that he isn't thinking that far ahead. I want him to think about his future. I want the best for him. "Finn, maybe I should go home so you can study?" I offer.

"Rae, seriously it is fine. Don't you even think about going home. The college work is fine, I am doing really well. It is my behaviour they are more concerned about. If I slip up they won't let me sit the exams, but I am keeping my head down, it will be ok Rae. Trust me girl" he says again.

"Finn, what are you going to do at uni, have you given that any thought?" I ask.

"Rae, you are beginning to sound like my dad again. You know I have no idea. Maybe music, maybe event management, maybe architecture, I really have no idea. I don't like to think about it. To go to uni I will need to move away, and I can't even begin to think about not being near you" he reveals.

"Finn" I say as I move towards him and put my arms around him "that isn't a reason not to plan for what you want to do, ok?" I say. He melts into my arms.

"I think I will probably take a year off while I wait for you to finish college and then I can consider uni properly" he outlines. Part of me is overjoyed, another part of me is saddened for Finn, I don't want to hold him back. I pull back from Finn and look at him.