One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 34 - Finn

I wake up.

Where the fuck am I?

Shit, where are my fucking clothes?

Who is this next to me? Oh God!

Fuck. Finn, you have stooped to a new low. 

Strange house, strange bed, no clothes, but worse still some strange girl next to me. 

My head is banging. FUCK!  I peel the girls arm off me and I slip out, putting my clothes on as quickly as I can.   I am praying she will sleep through my hasty retreat.  "Hey" I unfortunately hear behind me. I turn, and look at her. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!  Why couldn't she just stay asleep.

"Hey" I say turning around. 

"Where you going?" she asks.

"Home" I reply coldly.

"Ohhh, Finny, thought maybe we could you know, go again" she says.

I feel sick all over.  The thought of her touching me, or for that matter me touching her in the cold light of day has me hating myself.  "Gotta get home" I reply and I leave quickly.  I still have no idea who this girl is.   I dropped a pill last night and downed a lot of booze, coming to this party with a stack of people I don't know, was to try and numb my current pain.  Sadly, I wake up with a banging headache and feeling more sad and lonely than I did the night before. 

It has been I don't know, maybe two weeks since Rae and I talked in the library, and I have to say it is all a blur.  I have fallen into old patterns, drinking, girls and drugs.  I need to get Rae out of my system.  I haven't hung around with the gang, or bothered to go to the Swan or any of the usual hang outs.  College has been the last thing on my mind, I haven't been at all.  I say it is because I don't care, but reality is, I can't take the chance of running into Rae.    I know she will take one look at me and be able to tell that I have seriously fucked up.  Only I could think that fucking other girls would mean I would think less about Rae.  Actually what is even more dumb of me is that I keep fucking doing it, all the while hating myself more and more.  Longing for Rae. 

I can't look at myself and I am avoiding my dad, who funnily enough chooses now, when I am so off the rails to be at home.  And he is nagging the fucking shit out of me.  He has no fucking idea. I can't look Chop or Archie in the eye, and more than ever I think of Rae. 

I think of her skin, how she feels, how she tastes, her love of oasis, her teasing me, her on top of me kissing me, how she sounds when I touch her, her laugh, her smile, her shyness, how she is when she is so turned on she just needs to be satisfied. Between all the empty banging that I'm doing, I seem to be masturbating.  A LOT.  Rae is always front and center every time.

 As I approach my front door, I sigh.  I make my way inside, and go straight to my room locking the door.  I need dad to leave me the fuck alone today. 

I sink into my mattress and try to sleep, but instead my thoughts of Rae have invaded my space again.  I am consumed by her even though I am doing everything to forget about her.  Thoughts of her are causing me to get hard and I can't think straight.  I urgently pull my cock out of my jeans and I stroke it.  I imagine Rae is here with me, and the way we have fucked, correction made love.  Each time I have wanted to be with her, even if it was just to be by her side.  The sex was a bonus and fuck it felt good, but if we didn't have sex, I would of have loved her with the same intensity I still do.

"Fuck!" Escapes my lips as I cum. 

While in the moment everything is amazing.  Immediately after, I am more lost than I was before I started.   I cry longing for Rae to hold me and tell me it will be ok.  She is the only person I want. I cry myself to sleep.