One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 5 - Rae's Escape

I push past, him, don't stop and move as fast as I can. If I wasn't such a blob it could be called running, but it is more like a wobble, but it is the quickest one I can do. I am fuelled by a nervous energy and the walls of college are closing in on me, I am panicked, and I can't breathe properly. I have to get out. I rush out of the building, thank god there are no people around otherwise I would be pushing them out of my way as I get to the entry doors. I make it to the gate as quickly as I can.

I want to go home, close myself in my room, the only place in this world that I feel safe. It is too early, if I go home now, mum will be home, or worst still her flavour of the month will be there, and I will get an absolute bollocking about leaving college early. I'd like to believe that mum is yelling at me because she cares about my future, but she is so selfish it probably has something to do with me interrupting her afternoon delight (the thought sends a shiver through my body... so gross!). If it wasn't bad enough I have to hear them having sex through the night, my mum at full volume. I shake my head trying to remove the memories from my mind.

If I can't go home, I'm off to my next favourite spot. Harmony Records. I sigh, it is my home away from home, where I dream of owning the perfect music collection, where I lose myself in tunes of past and present, and where I forget all my troubles. As I get closer, the sense of calm I feel is a relief. It must have something to do with the posters mirroring my bedroom walls. Candy, the coolest person I know is working today, she is behind the counter and smiles at me the moment she sees me make my way through the door. I smile, or attempt to while nodding. As I move to the back wall to see what is new, Candy walks over and bumps into me, as she does, "Hey, how you doing?" she asks. "Don't ask, it has been a crappy day!" I reply. She smiles at me and tells me to come out the back for a coffee and a chat, she is on a break. I follow Candy out the back, this isn't the first time that she has come to my rescue, and I feel ok knowing that I really won't have to say anything, but in my silence while I listen to her talk about bands and tunes, boys and sex, I know that I will somehow calm down.

I sit on a stool, hoping that today isn't the day that it breaks under my hefty frame. Candy hands me a coffee, and starts shoving albums in my hands, and telling me about Oasis, and how she would do anything to touch Noel. I smile, and stay silent, trying to show her that I am listening with a reassuring look.

She is so full of energy, I wish I could bottle it, she really seems to have no limits. One minute she is talking to me about a concert, the next her boyfriend and how he doesn't like Blur and then she abruptly gets up, with a big grin and says "I've got a little something for you, I put it aside for you the other day", she ducks off to the office and then comes back, it is a new poster.

Candy opens it in front of me, and there is no mistaking my smile 'The Stone Roses, the Second Coming', I leap up and hug her, "Candy, thanks! You seriously have no idea what this means to me."

A customer breaks our hug, when they ring the bell getting Candy's attention. I quickly grab my bag, my new poster, thank her again and let her get back to work. I leave the shop, feeling so much better than when I walked in.

I make my way home, it is late enough for mum to not know that I left college early.

When I walk in the front door, I can hear my mum and her 'boyfriend', she wouldn't know I had come home anyway with all the noise they are making.

I take myself upstairs to my room, shut my door, put on a tape and turn up the volume, drowning them out. I dump my bag on the floor, and clear a space on my wall above my bed to put up my newest poster. I stand back and admire my handy work. Candy knows me so well.

I finally sit down on my bean bag, resting my head, tunes filling my walls, when the events of today, that I had tried so hard to forget come flooding back, playing over and over in my head.

I am still trying to figure out what any of today was about.