One to Another - quiet, kind & special people

Part 4 - Finn looks for her

As I leave the caff it is like a weight has been lifted from me. I am free of Stacey, thank fuck for that. I notice Archie leaning against the doorframe. The caff heard what Stacey said, I pretend like it didn't happen. He looks at me, I smile and nod at him reassuringly.

I don't stop I need to find this girl.

I look down the hallway, she isn't there. There is this nervous kind of energy running through my veins, with every place that I looked failing to find this girl, I move quicker. Where the fuck did she go so quickly. Seriously I was only a couple of minutes behind her, but she has somehow disappeared, vanished. It is college for fuck sake there isn't that many places to hide is there.

I check the emergency stairwell, nothing.

My eyes dart down hallways, look through classroom windows, I even stalk the female loos, outside the door of course, waiting. No luck. I ignore the time, I should be at my next class, but I am fixated on finding this girl. I have to know if she is ok. There is this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach as I seem to be coming up empty in my search. I lean against the lockers, I feel more sad, empty and alone than usual. How can that be? There is no way for me to understand this burning desire I seem to have to find the raven haired girl, with the lips that beckoned me to them.

I really am unable to give up my search, it isn't a choice, the need to find this girl is instinctual. I make my way down the hallway further, and then it was like the penny finally dropped. Well, probably more accurately, I am standing in front of the double green doors, the entry into the library, that it dawned on me, that if this girl was still in college this afternoon this is probably where I would find her. I pause for a second and wonder what she must of been reading to be so distracted in the caff earlier, for her to forget where she was and to be blissfully unaware of anything going on around her.

Finn Nelson is not a known visitor to the library, and when I pushed the doors open, I was greeted by the librarian's gaze. I ignore her as I walk with purpose, aisle by aisle, nothing. Feeling despondent I turn to leave, when out of the corner of my eye I spot a red pair of converse poking out the bottom of the very last bookshelf. I stop, I hear tears.

I crouch down towards where I hear the tears and I look through the gap between the books and the shelves. Raven hair. Could this be her? Fuck, she is really in tears, they are flowing. I watch her for a second, she turns her head slightly, and I see those lips. It's her. Fuck Stacey. What did this girl ever do to you?

'Hey, are you ok? The words fly out of my mouth.

She looks up startled, she quickly wipes her face with the back of her hand and the look in her eyes. She is broken, and it makes me feel. Well she made me feels something, what the crap is this feeling? I am not too sure how it makes me feel, usually I feel nothing, but right now, I feel, well, overwhelming sensations running through my heart, soul and gut that I haven't had in such a long time. I feel panicked. I just want to make this right, I need to. She looks around to figure out where the question came from, she is embarrassed and worried.

"Fuck off" she replies. "I don't know what I've done to you for you to embarrass me..." she takes a deep breath (I stop breathing she thinks I am like Stacey. That's it I feel ill!) "please just leave me alone", she pleads.

I pause, her lips (stop it Finn!).

"Hey, I am sorry about the caff", I say softly.

She starts to get up. "Look", she says "just leave me alone, I can't talk to you or your girlfriend will..."

I interrupt "my ex girlfriend" as I enter the aisle where she is currently standing. We are face to face, while obviously sad, she is... she snaps me out of my internal conversation...

"Alright", she continues "your ex girlfriend will certainly make me sorry for talking to you, please I ask you politely, can you please just leave me alone. "

A tear cascades down her beautiful but sad face. I instinctively reach out to catch it, she flinches and moves back from me.

She recoiled from me. I can't remember the last time a chick did that to me. Most are all over me, but this one, she is different. She seriously wants me to leave her alone. My gut tells me she is a mass of contradictions, and nothing like anyone that I have ever met before. I need her to listen to me.

"Look, please, will you please listen to me", my hands up as I plead with her.

Her eyes meet mine head on, and in that second, it dawns on me that I still don't know her name. I am desperate for her to listen to me. I have nothing to lose but try an different tactic, to try and get her to talk to me.

"Hey" I stutter, "Hey, look you don't know me,and I am pretty sure you think I am a dick, but, but my name is... " I start.

"You're Finn Nelson", she interrupts "Isn't a person who doesn't know who you are", she continues.

I look down at her hands, I sadly realise that my approach failed. I look around considering if there is an escape route. She thinks she knows me, because everyone knows Finn Fucking Nelson, or so they think they do. As quickly as I try and find a way out of this, I realise I don't want to leave, I need her to listen to me, and I need to know who she is.

I start again, "Hi, I am Finn, I don't think we've met, what's your name?"

This girl isn't able to look at me this time, her face framed by those beautiful locks, her eyes sad downcast, she nervously shuffles her feet, and is scratching at her hands. I notice a cut on her arm, and I wonder what could make someone so pretty hurt herself. I can sense she just wants me to fuck off. Usually I wouldn't bother chasing someone down, but I also wouldn't persist in talking to them, especially when she has made it so fucking obvious she just wants me to move as far out of her line of sight as I possible.

Whatever is surging through my veins won't let me though. This is the first time in 2 years that I have felt anything and I want her to get to know me.

She looks up at me and starts to walk past me, she looks me straight in the eye, challenging me, she is making her move, it is like she has finally psyched herself up to escape me.

"Excuse me" she says "I need to go."

I let her go for now, to stop her would of been useless, she didn't want to or couldn't listen to me. She is gone, and I still have no idea who she is. Despite that little omission I somehow feel relieved that I have met someone that has made me feel something. This won't be our last conversation.

It is only the beginning.