Leading up to now

Chapter Twenty-Six - Cassie.

I was kissing Lucas, he was kissing me… I felt like jumping for joy because I wanted this right?

When you thought he was human, yes. My brain told me, I pushed it away and kissed Lucas back. He pulled away all too soon.

“You’re the vampire, you tell me.” I said and looked at him to see a smirk on his face.

“No I wouldn’t do that if I wanted to kill you.” He said.

“How can I trust you? You kept this from me, you said it wasn’t you’re secret to tell. You could have left out the fact Janesse and Vikrum are blood- Vampires. I would have been nice to have someone tell me something like that, I mean I wish I could dump my problems on everyone but I can’t. It doesn’t mean I keep them hidden, well two things hidden that’s not the point.” I said and breathed. “Sorry, I say anything when I’m nervous.”

“Would you like me to walk you home?” He smiles and I just nod. “So…”

“Why did you kiss me?” I asked him and he looked a little taken back by it. “It’s not like I didn’t like, I mean I did. Oh god.” I cover my face with my hands and sigh.

“I don’t know why I kissed you. Maybe just to get you to believe me.” He sighed, he didn’t kiss me because he wanted too. He only kissed me because he wanted me to shut up about everything.

“That’s something you would say if you wanted to kill me.” I mumbled and felt tears run down my cheeks. “Lucas can you just leave me to walk home by myself now?” I asked, I didn’t look at him the only way I knew he was still here because he said no. “Don’t speak then.”

I felt this pain inside of me, I couldn’t really explain it but it was being to feel like I had lost someone I cared about. We got to John’s house and I turned around to say good bye expect he wasn’t there. I ran inside, ignoring Fiona and John asking what was wrong, I fell onto my bed and cried like a child who had lost their favourite toy.

Lucas, I kept seeing his face every time I shut my eyes. I had trusted him to be honest with me, but he kept things from me… Like everyone does. I screamed as I flung my mirror against my bedroom door. I curled into myself, sobbing.

Now I know why I’m crying,  the car crash, and people keeping secrets and telling me lies, it’s my entire fault.

My life is a disaster and there’s no pause button. If I… If I could have one thing, it would be my memories of who I used to be. I shivered as I sat staring at the broken glass.

One slice is all it would take to end this misery… I could be with my parents where ever they are, my life would be peaceful and happy. I edged towards the mirror picking up a piece of it, I held it in my hand. Should I kill myself?

I held the broken mirror to my throat, do it Cassie. Do it. I tried to force myself and that’s when my bedroom door was broken down. I dropped the mirror instantly but not fast enough, they knew what I was planning.