Author's Games: Samurai

Task One Battle Task: Feedback

Clan 4: Jyubei Takeda attacking Clan 1: Sachi Miyoshi

Jyubei Takeda, I just loved how you incorporated the snow storm into your entry. It really gave me the feels for how his clan suffered and it definitely made the action scene more intense and your descriptions were so vivid, I could really see him struggling to fight through the blizzard. By mentioning that he accidentally cut down some of his own men, it added so much realism to your entry as well. It didn't feel like an entry, but like I was watching an epic Japanese movie. As for notes, you had six grammar mistakes (several times you switched to present tense instead of past) so you would have had 0.3 points taken off for that. I also would have taken off 0.1 for engagement because in the middle, there was a lot of dialogue that sort of lost me until the battle itself began. In future battle tasks, I would suggest focusing more on the battles, especially his strategy with sneaking inside. You had a lot of room to continue that, especially if some of the unnecessary dialogue had been cut out. So your score if battle tasks were scored would have been a 12.6. Great job with your entry!

Sachi Miyoshi did not hand in an entry and since this is a battle task, she has been automatically eliminated from the competition.

The winner of task one battle task Jyubei Takeda verses Sachi Miyoshi is (by default)...

Jyubei Takeda, with little losses, except the ones in the penalty, but his supplies is has been dwindled by one month.

Clan 7: Shiro Askura attacking Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa

Shiro Askura, YESSSS THIS IS A SEIGE ENTRY. What a perfect introduction, what a perfect place to end it! There were NO syntax errors at all, making a really smooth read. You kept me engaged thoroughly throughout the thing, and once again it felt like a Japanese story rather than an entry in a competition. Your perfect blend of description, emotion and action made this... well PERFECT I MEAN PERFECT. You would have scored a 13 had this been anything but a battle task. I am SO impressed with you right now and gosh I cannot wait to read more. His emotions and nerves about being a leader as well as your descriptions of his emotions in battle, and how much they contradict each other was brilliant! I LOVED the creativity with, not only his strategies in the flashback (such as worrying about a fire in the forest, which is SO strategic and thoughtful), but his own plans with the diggers and then having the ninjas take out the catapults... I'm JUST LIKE WOWWWWWWWWW LOVE LOVE LOVE. As for notes I feel utterly useless. WHAT NOTES YOU ARE PERFECT!! KEEP THIS UP! I HAVE TO READ MORE!!

Hirotei Imagawa, WHYYYYYY HER!??! SHE HAS TO BE OKAY!!! YOU KNOW WHO IM TALKING ABOUT (I can't remember how to spell her name, haha). BUT GAAAH WHAT A CLIFF HANGER!!!!! The end fight between Hirotei and Shiro was INTENSE and all the action was correct and it was beautifully written. Your descriptions, as well as Hirotei's emotions, were so vivid and well blended that it made for an enjoyable read that kept me hooked almost the entire time. As for notes, I did see four punctuation mistakes (all misplaced commas; I know those kill me too), which I would have taken off 0.2 points in punctuation for. I also felt like some of the flashbacks with Yoshitada was unnecessary and you could have taken a little bit of them out (especially the last one with them training together since it didn't further the story or character development) and instead wrote more about the siege or battle itself, adding more to your entry. So you lost my engagement there, so I would have taken off 0.1 for that as well as 0.1 taken off for dialogue since sometimes you didn't include tags or dialogue action which made it difficult to follow at times. Your total (fake) score would have been 12.6. BUT I HAVE TO READ MORE ESPECIALLY AFTER THAT CRUEL CRUEL CLIFF HANGER.

Scores do NOT factor in to who wins or loses. The supplies were fairly close—Shiro's 2,200 soldiers against Hirotei's 2,000. It was a level two castle that Shiro was sieging, and Hirotei had one month and one week's worth of supplies. However, Shiro had two months' worth of supplies, so they could have lasted for a while. Hirotei's genius strategy with marching out of the drawbridge to distract the Askura from noticing their detachment to take back the southern gate was genius, but Shiro had diggers at the walls and people to take out their catapults (the trouble was that Hirotei actually selected a moat, which would have made digging impossible, although Shiro didn't know that). So in terms of Japanese warfare, supplies information and strategies it's pretty well even. In terms of writing, you both make me feel as if I'm reading a Japanese book, not reading entries, and I really feel immersed into the time period and with both of you I can never seem to stop reading. So once again it's pretty evenly matched.