Author's Games: Samurai

Task Four (Quarterfinals): Scores and Opinions

Clan 2: Kyou Asai - 13

PERFECT SCORE! I just wow. This entry was exactly what I was asking and hoping for with this task. It was suspenseful, perfect, beautiful, terrible, gruesome descriptions along with his heart-wrenching emotions of being a prisoner. The amount of research that went into this was evident in the story itself, not just your comments and explanations afterward. I just... wow. I'm completely blown away, which is saying something. As for notes, I don't have any, other than to keep up the good work and I NEED TO KNOW YOUR PLAN NOW. YOU ARE EVIL.

Clan 3: Kairi Saito - 13

PERFECT SCORE! I just GAAAHHH. You seriously just throw me into this amazing story set in 1560 Japan and each time you write you're getting better and better at making me feel like I'm there. You're use of more Japanese terms just made this come alive. Her emotions was well placed. BENJIRI! Yes, that's their ship name. They had such an epic moment and not only do I love their ship, but they also have a character dynamic... like even if I didn't ship them I would love their dynamic and that's really rare. Either you ship characters or you don't see anything there at all, but this is just... amazing. I also really loved your twist with how Ishida brought this general and the interrogation was just mostly dialogue, not actually with a captured prisoner. It was very unique and you pulled it off well. As for notes, seriously just keep up the good work and I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT BENJIRO'S PAST AND HE AND KAIRI NEED TO GET TOGETHER NOW!

Clan 9: Naoki Hojo - 12.7

I felt like you're tactic with the prisoner was both surprising and genius—sticking right along with his personality. I loved the character shift and how everything in the war had finally taken it's emotional toll on him. You included his emotions a lot in this entry, which showed through in his actions with other characters and the story itself. You also portrayed Mitsuhide very well, and I liked how he noticed Naoki's difference and didn't immediately agree.

As for notes, I took off 0.1 for your descriptiveness. I felt like the dungeon and the prisoner could have been described better. It just didn't feel real to me because those details weren't there. I took off 0.2 points from engagement. While Naoki's tactic of making the prisoner think he was dying was genius and interesting, something about some parts of the entry just felt a little blander than they usually are. With that being said, this was still a really good entry! My scoring is just getting harsher because we're closer to the finals (if I wasn't harsh, I would just give you guys all 13's but then there'd be no point for a competition). Amazing job! I can't wait to see what's next! Especially with this secret plan between you and Ariel!

Clan 13: Ren Sanada - 12.6

Your descriptions are beautiful and vivid and I love your writing style. The way you put words together always makes your entries a joy to read, and smooth too. As for notes, you had two typos, so I took off 0.1 for grammar. I took off 0.1 for character development. It just doesn't feel like Ren is changing very much. She's still the same strategist, the same bold and unafraid samurai that she was when this started. I also took off 0.1 for engagement because there were some parts of the entry that didn't draw me in as much as the others—how incompetent the guard seemed kind of pulled away from the harsh reality that she was a prisoner and it made me less afraid for her safety or well-being. Despite this, Yukimura's death in committing seppuku came as surprising news and I wasn't expecting it. I got the feels for him since I did like his character and it's surprising that he did commit seppuku if Ren guessed right. Keep up the good work!

Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa - 11.6

Your original score was 12.6 but since you were late, I took off 1 whole point for that. The ship between he and his wife is just so beautiful, I can't help but smile whenever I read scenes with them. Your descriptions were so beautiful and the metaphor with the cherry blossoms was just right up there with the time period. I felt immersed into your story, into this time period and everything about it. I honestly didn't expect him to get kidnapped (the way you started your entry made it sound like he was going to interview an enemy for option 2), so being taken was a nice twist. It was confusing, but you clarified everything later—that Yoshitada betrayed him to protect Sakura from Oda—and the fact that Yoshitada betrayed him was a shocking twist. After Yoshitada's comment when he was first taken "I will protect my family" or something like that, the fact that he betrayed him was obvious, so Hirotei's emotions on the matter was a little delayed, but it was realistic that he was so confused on the situation.

As for notes, you had two typos, so I took off 0.1 for grammar. I took off 0.1 for word count because you were 100 words over (thank you for your honesty though) and 0.1 off for following the task since there was no investigation. I also took off 0.1 for emotional impact because, even though a lot happened in this and there was a major plot twist, I didn't really get the feels for him. It was just obvious that you didn't pay much time to this entry as the others (mostly because of your comments afterward), so it was somewhat disheartening. It was still a really, really good entry, but it was lacking the interview and didn't stay true to the task. I felt like you could have done a lot more with it that you didn't. I really can't wait to see what you continue to do, so I hope you are able to focus more time and attention to future entries. I need to continue reading this story!