Author's Games: Samurai

Battle Task 3: Feedback

Clan 3: Kairi Saito attacking Clan 9: Naoki Hojo

Kairi, this was one of your best battle tasks. Not only are you improving on your Japanese warfare writing, but your overall concept of battle and the amount of detail you put into it is amazing. I love watching people improve and you have made a lot of progress since this competition began. You were amazing before, but now you're even better and your horizons have been broadened. Battle tasks aren't scored, but if they were, you would have gotten a 12.9. I think her decision to flee, not only is extremely realistic (which is very important at this stage of the competition), but it's also perfect for the story line you have going on with them. The only mistake I caught, was this:

"...and she reflected on everything that had happened since then to bring them to that moment" You said that a few lines earlier, so it's repetitive which disrupts the flow. -0.1 for sentence flow again fake scoring, but I thought you'd want to know. Your character development and how Kairi's development is changing is so amazing to watch and even more amazing and entertaining to read. From start to finish I couldn't quit reading and this still feels like I'm reading this epic novel about a woman samurai and her samurai man :D

Naoki, you broke my heart. I didn't really like Tatsu (sorry but when you betray a character I love, I can't like you, hahaha), but I was starting to warm up to her and then BAM you kill her. I got so wrapped up into your story that I forgot all about the penalty and her death came as a surprise. Not to mention so did the fact that Naoki was stabbed! I'm panicking and I need to know what happens next!!!! 0.0 I'm also curious as to who stabbed him. But I didn't see any mistakes at all, and you balanced his emotions, thoughts about his strategies enough with the descriptions and the actions to make it a very enjoyable, well balanced story. If battle tasks were scored, you would have gotten a 13 since I didn't see any mistakes to fix.

Naoki has 3,200 troops, a level 2 castle, 7 trained ronin, 1 trained ninja, and 2 months' worth of supplies.

Kairi has 5,900 troops, level 3 castle (which is irrelevant since she's attacking), 7 ronin and 2 months, 11 days' worth of supplies.

Knowing this information, Kairi has just enough troops (almost double Naoki's) to make sieging a castle possible. Their ronin are even in numbers, so that would have been an intense fight in itself. They each could last a siege of about two months.

They were also both perfectly matched in writing as well. Naoki had a sound strategy dressing as Oda, but Kairi managed to take part of Naoki's own castle, forcing his troops to attack their own castle (or at least part of it).

The winner of Battle Task 3 Kairi Saito attacking Naoki Hojo is...

A tie. Both clans retreated after a long and grueling siege.

Clan 14: Yuudai Kato attacking Clan 13: Ren Sanada

Ren, your descriptions were very clear, making the action really easy to read and follow. I loved her strategy and how she demanded that she go with them. It showed a lot about her character and I'm glad she hasn't lost her boldness. If battle tasks had been scored, you would have scored a 12.9 due to the sheer fact of creativity. Her strategy was thoughtful and I enjoyed reading the entire entry, but because of the word count and having to tie up loose ends, it just felt like it didn't leave you much wiggle room with an epic strategy for the battle. Overall, though I was engaged and it was enjoyable to read. I really got the feels for the fact that Akio is still sick and how lonely she seemed! Good job!

Yuudai, the ending was extremely powerful and unexpected. I got the feels for when Kazuki sacrificed himself to save Yuudai. It's something a true samurai would do. At first the fight with Nobunaga (when Yuudai and Ren were attacking him) it was a little awkward. You described it terms of Nobunaga against two other diamyo and the action itself was just awkwardly written. But the fight picked up and it really improved after that. I got back engaged with it as the fight grew more and more intense. You really did a fantastic job in making it seem like they were losing and then all hoped seemed lost when Nobunaga was about to kill Yuudai. It was surprising that Kazuki stepped in the way (honestly I had forgotten about him), which made it emotional when he died. Battle tasks aren't scored, but if they were, you would have gotten a 12.3. Here is a breakdown:

-0.1 taken away for punctuation. You included a period where a question mark was needed.

-0.1 taken away for spelling. You spelled the word dread wrong.

-0.1 for realism on fight scene at first.

-0.4 for following task.

Although you included Oda showing up and really went into a detailed and intense fight with that, you didn't include surrounding Sanada generals, which was the main focus of the task and this is the reason why you would have scored so lowly. Also you had Yuudai attack Oda forces head on, rather than the Oda forces causing your army to retreat, which is why the extra 0.1 was taken off from following the task as well.

Ren, her strategy with being a distraction was well-thought out. I don't know if having all their troops follow behind so she could negotiate her general's freedom with Yuudai would have worked in freeing her generals.

When Oda forces attacked, Yuudai attacked them head on and Ren decided to stay and fight them.

Ren has 1,400 soldiers, a level 2 castle, 2 ronin and only one month's worth of supplies for a siege.

Yuudai on the other hand, only has 950 soldiers (not near enough for sieging a castle successfully), a level 2 castle (since he's attacking, this is irrelevant right now), 2 ronin and one months' worth of supplies for the siege.

Taking all of this into consideration...

The winner of Battle Task 3 is...

Ren Sanada! She won with little losses to the Yuudai clan, although the Oda took out several hundred soldiers and killed both of her ronin. Yuudai suffered heavy losses and a major defeat from both the Sanada clan and the Oda clan, who killed both of his ronin.

Clan 15: Toshihiro Ukita attacking Clan 8: Hirotei Imagawa

Toshihiro, I don't know what happened, but it's like you instantly became an expert at writing Japanese warfare. The battle was intense and your action was well written. I loved how easily it was described, making it a very smooth read. You also had a lot less mistakes, which also helped me stay engaged with the entry the entire time. Battle tasks aren't scored, but if they were, you would have gotten a 12.7. Here's a breakdown:

-0.1 punctuation – period instead of comma

-0.1 grammar—you changed to past tense two times

-0.1 grammer—you went to first person instead of staying in third person and you wrote "he" when you meant "the."

It felt like a real Japanese battle and the strategies a part of it was just as genius. I really enjoyed this! Great job!

Hirotei, IM IN SO MUCH SHOCK RIGHT NOW. The sheer amount of research you did just to write the tea ceremony... I knew how much work you put forth into this entry just by READING what you wrote. I've never seen so much detail before. The beautiful way you wrote it, the words you used to describe it and the way you put it all together—including the intense action with the beautiful, vivid descriptions and details about the tea ceremony in flashbacks—I'm just so mind blown right now. If battle tasks were scored, you would have gotten a 13. I wish battle tasks could have immunity because you definitely deserved it! I just.... This story was so impressive and my stomach literally twisted when Hirotei was injured and how he stood up and that epic keep fighting moment with the flashbacks during every single action. Then when he hid and clutched his stomach only to throw a bomb at me with bam. Oda's here. Like WHAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! I MUST KEEP READING AND I NEED TO KEEP READING RIGHT NOW!

Hirotei has 1,700 soldiers, a level 2 castle, 3 ronin and 2 months of supplies.

Toshihiro has only 400 soldiers, a level 2 castle (which is irrelevant since he's the one attacking), no ronin and only 1 month of supplies.

When sieging a castle, you need at least double what the enemy has in order to consider a win. Between the sheer odds and Oda showing up...

The winner of Battle Task 3 Toshihiro Ukita attacking Hirotei Imagawa is...

Hirotei Imagawa with little losses toward Toshihiro himself, although Oda's men killed one of Hirotei's ronin and they did kill several hundred of Hirotei's soldiers and Hirotei himself was severely injured and barely escaped the Oda soldiers in time to evade capture. Toshihiro suffered heavy losses.

Read the Battle Task 3: Report chapter to see which two clans were eliminated from the competition and lost to the pages of history... forever.