Author's Games: Samurai

Task Five: Scores and Opinions

Clan 3: Kairi Saito - 13

13! Perfect score. No mistakes, no notes! This chapter of your story was another intense, suspenseful one that kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I was engaged, not to mention worried and terrified about BENJIROOOOO. I loved the twist with how the man who had taken over the Saito clan allied them with Oda. Having Kairi attack her own clan to free Benjiro, while also helping Ishida by hurting one of Oda's allies is so creative. Your descriptions were extremely vivid, bringing this story to life and making me feel completely emerged in it. I was in this story, following along with her. I loved how you included her emotions, as well as furthering her character development. You've done such a beautiful job with this story! Keep up the great work!

Clan 2: Kyou Asai - 12.9 

Your beautiful, vivid descriptions, made me feel like I was there. You had amazing, well blended descriptions with the action and Kyou's emotion. You made me feel the lost dream of the samurai and it's heart-wrenching as well as it gave me the feels. His strategy with damming the river so he could sneak inside the city was genius and so creative. Your fight scenes were intense and well written. Nothing was confusing about the action at all, and it kept me on the edge of my seat. I loved how much you included Kyou's thought process on all his strategies. It made it realistic, as well as gave us a glimpse into his mind. The idea of setting the city on fire to create more chaos was so genius and once again, creative. The scene with Kyou seeing the mother crying over her child in the fire... not only was it concise and so beautifully descriptive, but it gave me the feels. It was also such a huge character development moment for Kyou, a once compassionate and just leader now setting fire to a city, destroying anyone who gets in his way. It really shows just how far he's going to kill Oda and unite Japan. In trying to stop Oda, it almost seems as if he's becoming Oda, which is so interesting and amazing and hooking to read.

As for notes, I only have one:

"By now, the city's defenders..." By now was just used in the sentence above, so it's repetitive, so I took off 0.1 from sentence flow for that. Overall, you received a well deserved 12.9! I loved everything about this next chapter in Kyou's story and once again I cannot wait to continue reading to see what happens next! 

Clan 9: Naoki Hojo - 12.6

Naoki, I really enjoyed this entry overall. I loved how all his immediate allies were mostly gone (one was captured, the other was badly injured), leaving him mostly alone. I also enjoyed seeing Hirotei again, even if it was in your entry. That was a nice, unexpected twist. I seriously can't believe that Naoki actually betrayed Kyou, even if it was an accident. I have to know how that story line turns out. Once again, his strategies were genius. It's interesting that he attacked two of Oda's allies and his strategist literally left no room for error. As for notes, here you go:

-0.1 for punctuation. "I'll move him to his room, you can get anything you need." After room, it should be a semi-colon instead of a comma.

-0.1 for grammar. "So I feed Oda-san information..." Feed should be fed.

-0.1 for vocabulary and descriptiveness. Some parts felt a little summarized due to the word count, but I took off a point because it still felt like the descriptions could have been stronger in some places.

-0.1 for the emotional impact the entry had on me. There were no real parts where I got the feels or felt too upset or too overly happy. It was a wonderful and well written entry, but nothing elicited too deep of an emotional response.

All in all, you scored a 12.6 due to the things mentioned above.

Overall, I enjoyed reading it and you kept me engaged throughout the entire entry. Good job!